Chapter Thirty-Nine

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Chapter Thirty-Nine

APOV

Children had a lot of fucking energy.  Caroline was no exception; she had a lot of fucking energy.  We had lunch at the little snack bar across from the Alice in Wonderland statue, and then we basically ran all over the damn park.  Ok, not the whole park, it was probably only a really small part, but it felt like the whole fucking thing.  I wasn’t used to this much…exercise, or whatever.  Pretty much I had a lot of energy to fuck.  That was the extent of my energy level recently.

And I kept thinking about Tyler’s we can’t always have sex speech, and it just really started annoying me more.  Because I didn’t want to wait.  I didn’t want to wait with anything with him.  He was so great—he was completely attentive and interested with Caroline, talking with her about something I wasn’t really even taking in at the moment, and he didn’t even seem to mind that she dragged us all over the whole park.  I felt kinda bad that I wasn’t listening, or wasn’t exactly interested at the moment, but all I could think about was his mouth, and how much we could be having sex instead of affection in between if we were alone right now.  

I finally sat down on a bench while they did something over by one of the million lakes/ponds in the park.  She doubled over in giggles over something he said, and his face was so…happy with that simple thing—that he could make her laugh.  His smile was wide, and easy, and it was seriously really sexy.  His hair was all messy from the light breeze, and it looked much lighter and blonde out in the sun here.  Even his scruffy beard looked blonder.  I really wanted to just go rub my face against his…and then possibly shove his blonder scruff between my legs.  God.  I was such a fucking nympho; lusting over my boyfriend while he was being a good brother.  I should have just been happy with the fact that she liked me so much.  If I kept this up, this one-track mind about fucking Tyler all the time, I’d probably screw that up with her.  I didn’t want to do that—gaining trust back after disappointment was one of the hardest things to do.  

Fuck it.  I needed distraction.  “I want ice cream,” I called out.  “You guys want ice cream?”

“Sure!” Caroline nodded.  Tyler smiled gently at me, and nodded.  I think he knew me well enough by now that I was getting slightly bored with this activity.  I liked hanging out with Caroline; that wasn’t it at all, and she didn’t seem to notice that I was slightly less enthusiastic then I had been.  

“What kind do you want?”

“Vanilla.  In a dish!”  Practical.  Very Caroline-ish.  

I let my eyebrows rise at Tyler, silently asking the same question.  

“Surprise me.”

I scoffed, shaking my head.  “Dork.”

“We’ll catch up in a minute.”  

I think he said that only for Caroline’s benefit.  He knew I needed some space at the moment.  I didn’t think they’d follow quickly.  I ordered the ice cream, and watched as they walked in my direction, but the path was longer, and went past the restrooms.  I started in that direction when I had the ice cream, and they were waiting for me on a bench near there.  They hadn’t seen me yet, and I slowed when I heard the question Caroline asked Tyler: “Did you want to have sex with the girl in the closet?”

He sighed.  “Yeah, I did.  But that’s… It’s different now.  I didn’t—I didn’t care about the girl in the closet.  Which isn’t really a good thing either.”  He stopped, trying to figure out how to continue.  “I mean, people do that, people have sex without it really meaning anything, but what I have with Allison is different.  I wasn’t in a relationship with the other girl.  We’d just met.  I didn’t really know her at all.”

“So why did you make out with her?”

I almost felt bad for Tyler.  Almost.  Fielding these questions while trying not to be a bad role model was really difficult.  Not unlike me trying to give advice to someone.  It wasn’t like we didn’t have huge black stains on our track records.  We weren’t exactly the poster-children for faithful relationships.  

“Sometimes you just do things because they feel good.”

“Oh.”

“God, I shouldn’t even be… You know all the stuff mom says about not having sex with someone unless you really care about them?”  So she did have the talk with him at some point, too—or at least he knew what it was!  

“Yeah.”

“She’s right.  It’s different when you care about someone.  Allison is different.  She’s different form all the other girls I’ve dated or been with.  I don’t want to just feel good with her.  I want more.  It’s not just physical.”

Jesus Fucking Christ.  There was no reason for him to be saying that for my benefit; he had no idea I was standing there listening.  And it wasn’t like I didn’t believe him when he told me things…but it was still nice to hear the same things when he was being completely honest with someone else.  It made my chest feel like it was burning, but in a good way.  

I hadn’t really meant to crash their conversation, but I felt kind of guilty now that I had—that wasn’t really cool.  So I moved out slowly until I was sure they could see me before we all moved to a table to eat the ice cream.  

I realized the huge mistakes with ice cream cones the minute Tyler started eating his.  This was not going to be a good distraction at all.  It just drew more attention to his fucking mouth.  And his tongue.  And his lips.  Fuck me sideways.  I couldn’t win.  

Tyler’s phone rang while we finished the ice cream.  “Hi, mom.”

“Hi, mom!”  Caroline echoed.  

“We’re still at the park.  Yeah.  We can meet you, yeah.  See you then.”  He stuck the phone back in his pocket.  “We’re gonna meet her at Strawberry Fields in a half hour.”

At least this time no one would walk in on us fucking.  That’d be a great first impression for meeting his mother.  Christ.  It just dawned on me—his mother was picking her up!?  What was the worst possible impression (other than her walking in on you fucking) you could make on the mother of your boyfriend?  Probably making it completely obvious that you were lusting after son 24/7.  Ok, I needed to get myself calm, and presentable…and I had exactly a half hour to do that in.  

“Hey.”  He grabbed my hand.  “We’re not having a Q&A session or anything, ok?  You’re just meeting her.  That’s all.  Just a quick hello and introductions.  That’s it.”

I nodded.  “Right, right.  Yeah.”

“Mom will love you,” Caroline added, nodding and beaming a smile at me.  “I’m so excited!  I can’t wait for her to meet you!  And I won’t have to stop myself from saying ‘Tyler’s girlfriend’ anymore.” 

Tyler didn’t say anything else, and I just nodded at Caroline.  Fuck.  I didn’t meet mothers. I’d never met a mother before.  I’d fucked people for money—they didn’t bring their mom’s along to meet me!  How do you meet a mother?  What should I say? 

Shit.  Did I look all right?  Did I look… I dunno…responsible enough to be watching her daughter?  Fuck, did I look responsible enough to be dating her son?  I looked down at what I was I threw on this morning when Caroline caught us.  Christ!  I shouldn’t have worn this tank top.  It was green.  What did green say?  It wasn’t even really green anymore; it was all faded and old.  I should have worn a newer one.  And I think definitely not green.  Oh my God, it has a hole.  I was wearing a tank top with a hole.  My fucking hair was in a sloppy ponytail, and we hadn’t even showered this morning.  We so should have showered, and I’m sure these shorts I had on were way too fucking short.  I had old sneakers on and no socks.  I should have worn socks.  No socks said something.  I’m not sure what that something was, but I’m sure it wasn’t good.  I looked far too fucking casual to meet his mother. 

Tyler was suddenly licking my arm.  “The fuck?” I said, before even thinking really.  I’d been trying not to swear as much in front of Caroline, but it was just so…unexpected—I didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

He did it again, all the way up my hand.  “Your ice cream is melting all down your arm.”

“Oh.”

“You weren’t listening to me at all.  Are you ok?”

Was I ok?  Fuck, no!  I wasn’t ok.  This was going to be a disaster.  I nodded dumbly, just kind of looking at him but not really seeing him at all.  He looked worried, though.  I handed him the cone with a panicked, “Here,” and pretty much bolted from the table. 

“Allison?”

“I’m just going to wash this off,” I called back. 

I jogged to the bathroom and spent more time splashing water on my face than washing any ice cream off.  I just needed to get through a few minutes of conversation.  I could do that.  It couldn’t be that hard.  And try not to think about what I was wearing or that she would judge me or whatever, based on that.  It wasn’t like I planned on meeting her today.  It wasn’t formal.  I sighed, letting it out slowly, trying to force calm.

I thought I was pretty good by the time I walked back out, and almost literally ran into Tyler. 

He had a decent view of where Caroline was, but he stayed outside the restrooms waiting for me.  He was even still holding my fucking cone.  Jesus.  I just…

He was assessing, his eyes locked on mine, not wavering at all.  “You ok?”  He asked quietly. 

I nodded shakily.  “Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

His lips pressed together for a second, his face going all frustrated.  “Right.  So what’s wrong?  Is this about my mom?”

I bit at the inside of my cheek, looking away from him.  “Maybe,” I said quietly. 

“Do you not want to meet her?”

Did I want to?  I didn’t even know.  “No,” I said quickly, and then changed it to, “Maybe.  I dunno.”

He tugged me over to him with his free hand, so my body was touching as much of his as possible.  He moved the cone closer to me, but I waved him off and he tossed it in the trash can instead.  He pulled me into him more, holding onto me.  “Do you think she won’t like you?  Is that it?”

I shrugged into him instead of answering. 

“She’s really not that scary.”

“I just don’t want to make a bad impression,” I said into his chest. 

“How would you even make a bad one?  We’re only going to see her for a minute.”

I pulled back, annoyed and frustrated.  “I mean, just look at me.”

“I am looking at you.”

“No, I mean, I’m a mess!  We didn’t even shower this morning.”  I pulled on my shirt.  “Look at this!  It has a hole!  A hole, Tyler!”

He chuckled.

“This isn’t funny!  It has a hole!  I can’t meet your mother with a hole in my shirt!  What is she going to think?”

He tried pulling me back to him, but I resisted at first, only caving when he ducked his head and gave me that please look-thing.  Ugh.  “I’m not laughing at you.  You just—you just sound like such a girl.”

I couldn’t help it, I smirked.  Because I so did.  I picked at his T-shirt.  “I just don’t want her to not approve or whatever.”

“I don’t need her approval.  I’m not asking her for her approval.  I just want her to meet my girlfriend.  I could give a fuck what she thinks.  It’s just a courtesy.  I told you that before.  I don’t care what they think.  It doesn’t change anything.” 

“Yeah.”

He kissed me.  “It doesn’t change anything.  Stop worrying.  She’s not judgmental.”

I sighed heavily, letting him hold me up. 

We started walking again and even with his reassurance, I was still all nervous. 

“Tyler?” Caroline asked, suddenly. 

“Yeah?”

“Where did that ring come from?”

“Allison got it for me for my birthday.”

“Ooooooh.”

“What?”

“Well, where’s Allison’s ring?”

“It’s not her birthday yet.  Her birthday’s in October.”

Caroline made a noise of disgust.  “Tyler,” she started this so… I don’t even know how to describe it… Adult-like?  Like halfway between patient and you are so dumb.  “You don’t have to wait for her birthday!  Haven’t you ever gotten her a present before?”

Tyler got all flustered.  It was really adorable.  “No!  Of course I have!”

“Well what did you get her?”

“I got her flowers.  And a wallet.”

“A wallet?  Seriously?  You got your girlfriend a wallet?”

He let out a breath.  “It was complicated.”

“A wallet?”

“Well…”

“And flowers?  Flowers?  You’re more thoughtful than that.”

“Hey!  I got her Allison in Wonderland so we could read it together and the movie and stuff.  I get her stuff!”

“Seems pretty superficial.  She got you a ring.”

I was giggling so hard by time she got to the last part, I almost couldn’t breathe.  It was exactly the tension breaker I needed to feel calmer before his mom got there. 

“You should have gotten her a ring first,” she ended with. 

He sighed heavily.  “Fine.  Yes.  I should have.  I’ll work on that.”  I couldn’t tell if he was genuinely angry or if he was just telling her that to shut up, but it was hilarious.  He cared a lot about what Caroline thought, what her opinions were.  He was silent pretty much the entire way to Strawberry Fields.  Caroline didn’t seem to notice, or if she did, she didn’t care.  She just chattered away to me the whole time about how cool the Strawberry Fields section of the park was, and that it was a quiet zone that meant you couldn’t bring your dog through it, or rollerblade, or ride your bike or even run through it.  We had a little time to look around before their mom got there, and really, it was pretty amazing.  The Imagine mosaic on the ground was given as a gift from the city of Naples, and really gorgeous flowers were everywhere.  It was incredibly peaceful there, and the amount of respect everyone there seemed to show was really fucking impressive.  Beatles music was decent, so I thought it was one of the coolest places we’d seen today, and a cool way to end the whole day. 

They called it a Garden of Peace… That lasted until Caroline ran over to a woman I could only assume was their mother, and started pulling her towards Tyler and me.  Oh shit.  Oh shit.  Ohshitshitshitshitshit.

Tyler and I were still holding hands, and I didn’t know if I should let go, or keep holding on, and I wound up just squeezing the fuck out of his hand until he actually looked over at me, wincing.  “What’s the matter?”

I was half whispering, because she was getting closer by the second.  “I don’t think I can do this,” I said, all of it coming out in a rush.  “I think I should go wait over by a bench or something.”

Tyler’s eyes took in his mother’s approach and he shook his head, just a little bit, holding my gaze.  “No, I want you right here.”

“I can’t.”  I squeezed his hand some more, pulling down on it. 

And then he did something I totally never expected.  He fucking kissed me right when she was almost practically on top of us.  Just kissed me.  Right there.  In Strawberry Fields.  With his mother, like, five feet away.  When he pulled back, he pressed his forehead to mine quickly.  “Just breathe.”

I let out a breath, nodding to him a few times.  “Ok.  Ok.”

Fucking Christ.  I wanted to crawl in a hole.  But I kinda couldn’t stop smiling, either. 

Tyler turned, my hand still squeezing the shit out of his.  He never let go, though.  Never let on that him holding my hand was probably the only thing not making me literally run for the other side of the park. 

“Hey, mom.” 

“Hello, Tyler.” 

He leaned closer to her, and she leaned in and they did one of those half-body hugs because he was still holding onto me.  Caroline ran over, beaming up at me. 

Tyler adjusted us so I was a little closer, and started.  “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Allison.  Allison, this is my mother, Diane.”

She put her hand out.  “It’s very nice to meet you, Allison.”

I took it, shaking it lightly and wondering if I was doing it right.  I cleared my throat.  “It’s nice to meet you, too.”  She had an accent; I didn’t remember Tyler telling me that part.  I knew he told me that she was Russian, but when he said it, I assumed he meant Russian as in of-Russian-heritage, not as in from Russia.  I mean, I didn’t know that really, but I didn’t think you usually had an accent if you weren’t born somewhere else.  It wasn’t that noticeable really, but enough that you could tell it was there.  She was really beautiful. 

She was smiling at me, but then looked at Caroline.  “Something tells me you guys didn’t meet today.”

Caroline shrugged.  “Mom, she’s so great.  I love her.  You’re going to love her.  She’s perfect for Tyler.”

Not that I didn’t appreciate Caroline saying it, but it was sort of a lot of live up to here. 

Her smile turned back to me.  It seemed like a nice smile, genuine.  Like maybe she believed Caroline.  Or she could just be too nice to say Oh my, God, you’re so not right for my son.  Get the fuck out!   I started chewing my lip.  I didn’t know what else to say to her.  Thanks for having him?  He’s really great?  I mean… What did you talk to mothers of your boyfriends about? 

“Well, now that I know he has you, you’ll have to come over for dinner so we can get to know each other better.”  She said next because I literally could not seem to speak. 

“Ok,” I agreed flatly.  Jesus.  OK?!  OK!?  I wanted to slap myself.  I cleared my throat, and added, “That would be really nice.  I’d like that.”  No.  No, I actually wouldn’t.  I’d probably hate it.  She’d know then!  She’d totally know I was just a complete freak.  If I couldn’t come up with anything to say right now, what would I say then?  What would we talk about?  Fuck.  What if she asked me what I did for a living?  What did I say?!  Oh my, God, this was a disaster and it hadn’t even happened yet. 

She had kind eyes.  Nonjudgmental, he was right.  She seemed like a concerned person.  It made sense she was a social worker.  Probably much better than any I ever fucking had.  Maybe we could bond over that.  Way to cozy up to mom!  Talk about your prior history of foster homes and shitty case workers.  God.  I was so screwed. 

“Tyler, call me and we’ll set something up, ok?”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll leap at the chance for repeated diners with this family.” 

She clucked her tongue at him and shook her head.  “Soon.  Make it soon, Tyler.”

He nodded.  “I will.”

Soon?!  What did that mean?  Did I fail the approval because I was a horrible talker and didn’t know what the fuck to say to her?  Why soon? 

“Thanks for watching Caroline last minute today.  I hope it didn’t make you two change your plans.”

I bit my tongue at the grin Caroline shot us. 

“No, it was fine,” he assured his mother. 

“We had a great day,” I added.  Maybe that would add a few points. 

“Good.”  They turned to walk and Caroline waved as they walked away.  I leaned into him, still really grateful for his hand.  It occurred to me that he put me on his right side so I could keep his hand, but still be able to greet his mother with the other one. 

“You ok?” he asked. 

I took a deep breath before blowing it out on a, “Nope.”

“You wanna sit?” he asked. 

I nodded after a second.  “That’d be good, yeah.”

We sat on a bench that was closer to where we’d been, and were just quiet for a while before he asked me quietly, “You wanna talk about it?”

I didn’t even really answer his question.  I just started with, “I think I totally blew that with your mom.”

“What?  No you didn’t.  Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know how to do this, Tyler.  It’s bad enough that you have to be so…you.  I don’t meet mom’s.  I don’t hang out with little sisters.  I just… Ugh.  I suck at this.”

“You do not.”

“I do.”

“Stop it.”  He pulled me closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek. 

“No, I mean, I didn’t know what to say and she’s so amazing—you can tell just looking at her.  I’m sure she’s done a ton of really great shit.  What could we possibly have to talk about?  We have nothing in common.” 

Tyler was quiet a second, long enough that I turned to look at him.  “My mom is amazing; that’s true.  I mean, I think that, but I’m biased because she’s also my mom.  But she’s strong.  She’s been through a helluva lot, and she’s really great.”

“Yeah, see!” I pointed at him uselessly, like he’d helped prove my thought. 

“You didn’t let me finish.  Amazing and greatness—those are all relative things.  They’re only meaningful to whoever is saying them.  I think you’re amazing.  I think you’re great.  You don’t have to be anything extra for me to think that.  Sometimes strippers can be amazing.”  He was smiling at me, and nudged my shoulder with his.  “You’ve been through more than she has, I think.  You’re just a strong.  And besides, you have me in common.  That’s more than enough.  And you might have more in common than you think.  Just give it a chance.” 

I didn’t know what to say when he came out with shit like that.  God, if I couldn’t come up with something to say to him right now, I was just screwed.  But I tried to be positive, for him if nothing else.  “Ok.”

He nodded once like he was glad that was settled.

“I’ll just start pouring out my life story the minute I walk in the door.  Maybe she’ll just feel really, really bad, and be super nice.”

He laughed.  “That’s one way to go about it.” 

~ooOoo~  

The apartment was so fucking hot when we got back, it wasn’t even funny.  Not like my apartment would have been any better, but like our place, the fans Tyler had were basically useless.  Fans in general were kind of useless.  They just blew the hot air around during the day.  At night, at least you could get some of the cooler air pulled in, but during the day, even if you had everything shut up (which Tyler didn’t), everything was hot and damp and it stuck to you, and ugh.  

Basically I flopped on the bed and just wound up lying there, baking into the blanket.  

Tyler chuckled and landed next to me, too goddamn energetic and cheery for the level of heat in the room.  

Eventually, I managed to roll so I was at least facing his direction.  

His face was all flushed, and the ends of his hair were damp, some stuck to his forehead.  He looked like I felt, but he seemed much happier about it than I was.   

“So... I've been thinking about what Caroline said before,” he said after a minute of us looking at each other.  

“About what?”

“About you getting me the ring and me getting you lame-ass shit.”

I shoved at his shoulder.  “You do not get me lame-ass shit.  She doesn't understand what was behind some of those things.”

“No, I know, but I'm sorry I haven't gotten you, I dunno, more.  Just more, I guess.”

“You didn't tell her the best present you ever got me.”

“What was that?” he asked. 

“You got me a gyno exam.”

He laughed loudly.  “Yeah, right.  I forgot about that.  That was definitely the best present ever.  A top on all girls' lists.”

I shook my head.  “No, I'm really kinda serious.  It was really nice.”  I paused, looking away from him, basically talking to the blanket on the bed.  “You're really nice, Tyler.  No one else would do that.  Or even think of it.”

“You make it really easy to be nice,” he said back just as quietly. 

I moved over, snuggling into his chest, his arms wrapping around me.  He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.  It was nice, even if the snuggling meant it was so much hotter.  

I giggled a second later.

“What?”

I pulled back and kissed him quickly.  “We're so fucked up.”

He nodded.  “Definitely tell my mom that.  We bonded over being fucked up.  Thanks for dinner!”

“Definitely,” I agreed, kissing him quickly.  I deepened the kiss, my fingers tangling in the damp hair at the back of his neck.  He moaned when I pushed a leg between his, rubbing against him.  

I let it go on until he was rolling his hips into me, and I knew pretty soon clothes were going to be coming off.  I pushed him back gently, getting off the bed.  “I’m gonna start dinner.  Something cool.  Because it’s like a fucking oven in here.”

“Whu…” he said, confused and still half-holding his arms out for me, looking at the place I just left.  “Weren’t we…”

“What?” I asked, trying for completely innocent.  

“With…the kissing… I thought…”  

I waved him off.  “It’s too fucking hot in here now for fucking.  And besides, we don’t have to have sex right away just because we’re kissing.  It’s not possible for us to have sex 24/7.  Isn’t that what you told me?” I was smirking really wide, pretty fucking proud of myself.

His face changed immediately, his mouth moving into something more amused, and he nodded once at me.  “I see.”  He held a hand up.  “I would like to point out the difference in that we’re not in public here.  Just saying.”

“I’d like to point out that if you keep arguing with me, your balls will be unhappier, and your dick’s gonna be missing me for much longer.  Just saying.”

He cleared his throat.  “What’s for dinner then?  Should I go get something?  So you don’t have to cook and be hotter?  And I have a doubly better shot at getting laid?”

So smart, my boyfriend.  I made it back to the bed in four steps, landing on him.  “I want a sub.  From that place down the street.  And lemonade.”

His hips pushed up again.  “This is not a good position if you want me to just go get food.”

I pressed my lips to his quickly, pulling back just as quickly.  “You’ll live.”

“It’s iffy.  Not sure I can walk now.”

I giggled, biting his chin.  “I’m hungry.  If you hurry, I might make it worth your while when you get back.  After we eat of course.”  

He practically dumped me back on the bed he moved to fast.  He was basically out the door already.  I could hear his footsteps landing heavily as he ran down the stairs.  My phone rang a second later.  

“You didn’t miss a step, did you?”

“No, I managed to make it all the way down.”

“Good.”

“What kind of sub am I getting?”

“Are you running?”

“Yeah.  But I’m going to have to stop or die of heatstroke.”

“Yeah, then I wouldn’t get my sub.  So don’t do that.”

“Good to know I’d be missed.”

“I’d miss you in a few days.  I can take care of myself until then.”

“You know, I could forget the lemonade.”

“You could, but then you’d just have to go back.  Your dick wants you to get me lemonade.”

“Fucking traitorous dick.”

“Turkey.”

“And on it?”

“Cheese and everything but jalapenos.  Too hot for jalapenos.”

“K.”

“Don’t drink all my lemonade on the way home.”

“I’ll get my own.”

“Good plan.  I’ll see you in a few then.”

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