Chapter Thirty-Eight

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Chapter Thirty-Eight

APOV

That cliché thing about being a sex-starved nymphomaniac that I thought about during our week off?  I think I pretty much proved it right during the week when we went back to work.  And… I think I found my first kink.  I wasn’t even sure it was one, or could be considered one, but if it was, I so fucking had it. 

I hadn’t really even—it wasn’t something that I really thought a lot about.  I mean, I thought about certain things with Tyler, or I wondered about what certain things would be like, but it wasn’t like I had a whole plan for things I wanted to check off a list.  I sort of just wanted to let things happen.  Really, I was happy with whatever we did…until I basically got on all fours in front of him and told him to take me from behind.  Thinking back, it was only because he was a dumbass that didn’t tell me when things were hurting him that made it happen.  It sort of just made sense for that position to work because he wouldn’t be keeping all of our weight in that scrunched position.  But once I had the idea, I really wanted it.  I wanted to know what it would feel like with him. 

I’d been fucked that way before of course, but again, it was always just a part of the job.  I didn’t do it to have the experience of it; it was just because that’s what the guy wanted or what would get him off.  It was usually over pretty quick, and it felt as good as anything else did or could. 

From Tyler’s first push in, I was sold.  I was sold even before that because he was sort of just waiting there, probably shocked that I’d just backed up and offered myself this way, but then he went all Tyler on me.  I loved his hands, and I loved feeling them on me.  The way his touch was sort of cautious, but never unsure—if that even made any sense.  He touched me like he wanted to memorize me, like he didn’t want to miss anything.  The ends of his fingertips were always rougher than the rest of his hands because he chewed on the skin there and it left them sort of chapped.  When he ran his hands over me, over my back, the snag every so often when the rough part would catch was just incredibly—I can’t even describe what it feels like.  The touch was so light, but enough to feel, and it was always like I could still feel his hands there when he moved them somewhere else.  I felt—it was the amount of care and attention that always amazed me, shocked my system.  And I felt like I had Tyler’s respect along with his care.  There wasn’t much respect of anything when sex was your job. 

The care and attention and his hands and the way he kissed my back was enough to pretty much set me off, and he hadn’t even gotten inside of me yet.  The angle and the way his cock pushed against my spot, and the feeling of his hands on my hips, pulling me back into him, because he was so gentle, it was just—I couldn’t even think.  It wasn’t even like he hadn’t fucked me this way before—I just hadn’t been kneeling then, and it always felt amazing, but maybe it was the way we were positioned here, or the suggestion of the position.  Because I was the one that asked for it—told him to do it—like it was a complete reversal of what this position had always been before Tyler. 

I was so loud.  Like, so fucking loud.  I couldn’t even stop it.  It just came out.  Every time he pushed in, every time the angle made him rub inside me so perfectly, I pretty much came right away.  And then again.  I came twice and he hadn’t come at all; it was sort of ridiculous how good this felt.  He was so good at it.  I was so good at taking it.  I couldn’t even stay on all fours.  I wound up with my ass in the air pressing into him, my head on the fucking bed, and I didn’t care.  It felt so good, I didn’t even fucking care. 

And after that, I sort of kept demanding he fuck me that way.  I totally became the girl who couldn’t bend over fast enough.  I made him stop eating twice to fuck me.  Once we never even made it to the bedroom; I just bent over the table and he fucked me there.  I was finding all sorts of new places to bend over.  When I wasn’t insisting he fuck me from behind, we were still fucking other ways.  If there was a record to break, I think we officially broke it.  I sort of felt like a different sort of junkie—a sex-crazed, horny junkie—and a really demanding one, too.  Good thing Tyler took my demands well.  

~ooOoo~

Going back to work was really annoying because it meant there had to be hours-long breaks in our sex life.  Forced breaks.  It seemed so wrong.  The only perk was that because I was still bruised, Anatoly basically told me I wasn’t allowed to strip and kept me behind the bar and working tables, which meant that my hours were slightly more regular than if I was stripping.  He was really incredibly nice to me, and probably more so than anyone else.  I could work the earlier shift, and be home by an earlier time at night, instead of rolling in to a sleeping Tyler at two or three in the morning. 

It should also be recorded that when you were a stripper, and you didn’t actually strip, your tips fucking sucked.  And that was even with Anatoly giving me his, too.  He was a boss, so it wasn’t like he needed tip money, and I dunno—it seemed like he always looked out for me.  I didn’t really know why, because he wasn’t that understanding with other people.  Maybe it was because he was the only one that had a family.  He had a little girl, but she was tiny yet.  So maybe he was nicer to me because he knew I didn’t have any family.  

“You seem…happier, katyonak.” Anatoly said a couple nights ago.  

I was wiping down the bar, but I was totally thinking about Tyler, so I was probably smiling like a complete fucking fool.  I didn’t answer right away.  

“You’ve never enjoyed cleaning.  And you haven’t even called me any names tonight.  I’m worried.”

I snorted, and grinned at him, shrugging.  “I am happy.”

“That’s good.  May I ask why?  A mugging doesn’t seem like a good reason to be happy.  You didn’t get hit on the head, did you, koteek?”

I shook my head.  “No.  I’m ok.  Um.”  I took a deep breath.  “I don’t want this getting around.”

His eyebrows rose.  “And you think you can’t trust me with a secret?”

“It’s not a secret.  I just don’t want it… It’s just mine.”

He nodded.  “Done.”

“I sort of started seeing someone.”

“Who someone?”

Too much information was probably not a good idea here.  I didn’t want him to suddenly show up at Tyler’s apartment and give him the third degree.  Lord knows what they were really capable of.  “His name is Tyler.”

“And Tyler makes you happy?”

“Yes, Tyler makes me very happy.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Tyler is not the one responsible for the mugging, is he?”

“No, he got mugged, too.  He looks worse than I do.”

“What does Tyler do?”

Jesus.  “He’s a student.  And he works at a bookstore.”

“Which bookstore?”

“You are not allowed to find him and scare the shit out of him.  I’m not telling you shit.”

“I think you should bring this Tyler around so I can meet him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s a very good idea.”

“I don’t think he’d enjoy coming to this place.”

“Why?”

“Because I strip here, Anatoly.”  

“Hmm.  We’ll talk about this later.”

He walked to the end of the bar.  My best guess was that he was going to have Misha do…whatever it was that Misha really did and they’d be scouring the entire city for every Tyler they could find.  I’d probably have to talk to Tyler about this now.  Maybe being all up front about shit was better.  

Jordan cornered me the same night.  I wasn’t even sure it was her shift, but we’d texted a few times and she checked in to make sure I was ok.  “All right.  Spill.  Out with it.”

“What?”

“You haven’t been home all week.”

“Yeah, I’ve been at Tyler’s.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, obviously.  You don’t need clothes?  You don’t need any of your shit?”

Not lately.  Haven’t need clothes much at all, in fact.  “I have stuff there.  And Tyler lets me borrow whatever I want.  I’ll probably stop by the apartment tomorrow or the next day.”  

She watched me a minute.  

“What?”  Her hand banged on the bar loudly and Anatoly’s head jerked in our direction.  “The fuck?”

She looked really pleased with herself, smug even.  “You’re totally fucking him, aren’t you?”

“Jesus.”  Was I really that obvious?  Eh, fuck it.  I sighed, wiping at a spot in the bar I’d already wiped about four times.  “Am I that obvious?”

“Oh, my God, you are so fucking obvious right now.”

“Keep your voice down!”

“Why?  It’s not like the other girls care you’re fucking somebody.”

“I just don’t want it, like, out everywhere.”

“Why?”

“’Cause it’s just mine.  It’s none of their business.”

“You’re enjoying yourself then, I take it?”  It wasn’t really a question.  And she was back to the smug smirking.  

I was rather smug myself.  “I’m enjoying the fuck out of it, which, ya know… It’s the fucking I’m enjoying.”  I waved it off.  “I don’t even know how to—yeah, I’m really enjoying myself.”

She looked genuinely happy for me.  I was sort of surprised.  Exactly what did they talk about to make her this happy for me, and not all bitchy and concerned?  “Good.  I’m really glad.”

“You are?  Really?”

She nodded.  “Really.  He’s a decent guy.”

“He is?”  I mean, I knew he was, but…seriously?  Not just happy for me, but he’s a decent guy?

“Yeah.  He is.  He cares about you.  And he treats you right.  That makes him pretty decent.”

“The fuck did you guys talk about in that hospital?”  I had to ask.  It just flew out.

“We just reached an understanding, I think.”

“That’s exactly what he said.  What the fuck does that mean?”

She shrugged.  “Just that I didn’t realize he was that serious about you.”

“Hey!  That reminds me.  What the fuck is this bullshit about Tyler and I weren’t supposed to stay together like you just expected me to fail at it.  Like I couldn’t make it work.”

“Oh, Jesus.  He told you that?”

“Yes!  He told me that.  He thought it was funny.  He actually totally saved your ass ‘cause I was kinda really pissed about it.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.  But that’s the way it sounded to me.  I told you, Tyler saved your ass.”

“See?  Decent.”

“Yeah.  You’re lucky he is.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.  My shift starts in a few, I gotta go get ready, but I better get details soon, girl.”

“We’ll see.”

“Sure, you finally get a decent boyfriend, and now you’re gonna withhold all the great, juicy details.  Figures.”  She sighed.  “Don’t be a stranger.  I miss you.  You can bring the boy, ya know.”

“Yeah, I know.  We’ve just sort of been…”

“Fucking like bunnies?”

I laughed.  “Kinda, yeah.”

“Good for you.  When you come up for air, stop by.  Or just make sure your door is closed.”

“Yeah, we will.  I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later.”

~ooOoo~

It wasn’t even eleven yet when I got to Tyler’s apartment.  He was reading in his bedroom, but I grabbed the book and flung it on the floor the second I got in there, hauling him to his feet while kissing him.  

He pulled back.  “Hey, before I forget, my mom called today and wanted to know if I could hang out with Caroline tomorrow.  She’s got some work thing and Les is out of town.  She was gonna drop her off before she had to leave.  I think she’ll be here around ten or a little later.  I guess she doesn’t have school tomorrow for some reason.  You wanna hang out with us?”

“Yeah, sure, of course.”

“I was thinking maybe we could go to Central Park.  She likes it there.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”  

What made this entire conversation hilarious was that we were both totally undressing each other at the time.  I was surprised we were able to carry on the whole thing.  His shirt was unbuttoned, jeans ready to come off; I was pretty much the same.  

“Good.”

I shoved his shirt off of his shoulders.  “I’ve been thinking about you all night.”  

“Me, too.”

“You seemed pretty comfy with your book.”

“Just trying to distract myself.  I can only beat off so much, ya know.”

I giggled.  And bent over on the bed.  What can I say?  Kinks have needs.  

~ooOoo~

It was morning before we actually had another conversation.  “Hey, how was work?”  Tyler asked me, stretching for a second, but spooning me again when he was done.  “I didn’t get a chance to ask last night.”

I giggled.  “No, we don’t have a lot of time for that at the moment.  It was good.  It was kind of odd, but good.”

“Why odd?”

“Well, because apparently the fact that we’re fucking and I’m happy about it is written all over my face.  There might as well be a neon sign over my head.”

He chuckled.  “People have been telling me that all week, too.  I didn’t know I was such a moody, sullen bastard before.”

“Yeah, seriously.  Anatoly wants to meet you,” I threw out there quickly.

“Um.  Why?”

“Because I told him about you.  A little bit.  Only enough information to get him to back off.  He probably can’t find you on his own yet.”

“He probably can’t find me?”

“Well, I mean, he is the mob.”

“Great.  That’s just great.  Now I’ve got the Russian mafia after me.”

I chuckled.  “It’s fine.  I told him he wasn’t allowed to find you.  It might be better if you just go meet him though.”

“Sure, throw myself out in the open.  I thought you liked having sex with me.”

I turned in his arms.  “I dooooo.  I dooooo like having sex with you.  I’m not going to let him break your knees or whatever else he might have in mind.  I think he wants to know that you’re a good guy.  He sorta looks out for me.  I think because I don’t have family.  He’s taken that responsibility or something.”

“Can’t you just tell him I’m a good guy?”

“I did tell him that actually.  But I think he needs to figure that out himself before he believes it.”

“Fuck.  I think that’s almost scarier than meeting a girl’s parents.  Here—meet my boss, the Russian Mafioso.  So much pressure.  The only thing that could be worse is if he was your family.  I’d be toast for sure then.”

I laughed at him again.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’ll all be fine.”

“Good, because otherwise you’d have to find yourself another sex partner.  I mean, think of all the wasted time here.  All that energy.  That would be so sad.”

“I would be sad.  For a while at least.”

“A while?!  That’s it?  How long is a while?”

I shrugged in his arms.  “Like, at least a few days.  I mean, I’m kinda horny now.  I’d have to find someone quick.”

“You’re sort of blowing this whole plan for me meeting the mob.  I have zero incentive now.”

“Maybe if you play your cards right, I’ll blow you before you meet him.”

“Well, if you’re going to sweeten the pot, then we might be able to talk about it more.”

“Yeah?  You think?”  I kissed him.  “You think we can talk about it more later?  ‘Cause I’d like if your dick was in me instead right now.”

He sighed and was really whiny.  “God, you never want to talk anymore.  You just want me for my dick, don’t you?  Can’t we fool around?  Make out?  What happened to foreplay?”

I giggled at him, because he was teasing me, but we really didn’t have a lot of foreplay lately.  I pulled the covers up, looked down for a second and then grabbed his dick.  

“Is that a no to foreplay?”

“No, I was just checking to make sure your dick didn’t disappear during the night, because you just sounded like a chick.”  

He tickled me.  “Sure, poke fun at my romantic gesture.”

“That was supposed to be romantic?  That whiny bullshit?”

He rolled us, pinning me beneath him, and he was smiling at me, but then his mouth covered mine, and fuck, yeah.  I mean, sure, I missed the foreplay sometimes, but I was much more excited about the actual act of sex at the moment.  It wasn’t like we had zero foreplay now, it was just…shorter.  His kiss though—this one—was the kind that I could get lost in.  The kind that had me moaning into his mouth two seconds later.  And then we were pretty much making out.  Until I reached for him again, and started stroking him.  Then he got all panty and he was having trouble focusing on the actual making out.  

He rested his forehead against mine for a second, just letting me stroke him.  He sort of growled at me, which was way fucking sexy.  “All right, fine.  Turn over.”

I giggled again, and pushed him off, scrambling to my knees, watching him get a condom from the drawer.  

We actually sort of had this down to a science now.  I would assume the position, Tyler would condom-it-up, line up and be pushing into me within a few seconds.  And I’d be halfway to orgasm shortly after.  This time was no different.  He was kneeling behind me, and I was already gripping the sheets while he fucked me, loving the way it felt when he’d push in and move us both.  It always felt so good.  

I didn’t notice until it was almost all the way open, and was going to bitch out Aidan for interrupting, when suddenly Caroline was standing in the doorway.  

It was sort of one of those slow-motion moments, but everything was really happening super-fast.  There was this chaotic moment where both Tyler and I were saying each other’s names, Caroline’s name, and lots of swearing while we broke away from each other and started grabbing any piece of clothing within reach.  When we both looked to the door again, it was closed, and she was gone.  

Tyler stood there for a second, like he was wondering if that really happened and then it started.  “Fuck.  Aw, fuck.  Fucking hell.  I don’t even… Fuck.  That shouldn’t have… Oh my fucking God, my mother is going to kill me.”  We both finished with the clothing.  “What time is it?!”

“It’s not even nine yet.”

“What the fuck was she thinking!?  She said ten.  My mother said ten.”

“Well she doesn’t know you have a girlfriend.”

“So!?  She should know better!  She shouldn’t have just dropped her off.”

“Would it have been better if you mother had walked in?”  I sort of wanted to laugh, but he so wouldn’t take that well right now.  

“No!  But she probably wouldn’t have.  Or she would have knocked.  Why didn’t she knock!?  Jesus Christ.”

I was going to ask if she’d done that before; just opened his door and came right in, but he wasn’t mad at Caroline, he was just mad at himself, and that probably wouldn’t have been taken well right now either.  “Tyler.”  I grabbed his hands, which were nearly tearing his hair out or rubbing his face off alternately.  “Just fucking chill out.”

“Chill out?  Chill out?!”  His voice kept getting higher like a little kid, but he was trying to be quiet, too, so it was like a hoarse whisper that kept getting higher.  “Are you fucking crazy?  Chill out!?  My sister just walked in on us fucking!  That is so not ok.  That is so not ‘chill out’ material.  I’ve just scarred my sister irreparably for life.  And you can forget about me ever having a life, because I’m going to be fucking—my mother will probably have me thrown in jail or something.  Or I’ll never see Caroline again.  I’ll be barred from the house.”  He started pacing.  “She’ll probably have the security codes changed and I won’t be allowed within in 500 feet of their residence.  I’ll never see her graduate from that pretentious school.  I won’t see her graduate high school.  Won’t know where she’s going to college because no one will tell me.  I’ll never see her get married.  She probably just ran out of the apartment screaming and is halfway to Brooklyn by now and I’ll—”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and then held his face in my hands.  “Tyler.  Honey.  You have to calm down.  And stop all that fucking bullshit.  Nothing is going to happen.  Everything will be fine.  Sit the fuck down.”

He sat obediently because I don’t think he knew what else to do.  “Now.  You’re going to sit here and you’re going to breathe, ok?  And I’m going to go out in the living room and talk to Caroline.”

“What if she’s—”

“She’s fine.  I know she’s fine.  She’s not five, Tyler.  She’s twelve.  She’s had Sex Ed.  It’s not like she doesn’t know what we were doing.  And we’re adults.  So just try not to have a heart attack or a stroke while I’m gone.  Ok?”

He nodded, chewing his thumbnail and then the skin on the sides.  I pulled his hand away and his face up, making him look me in the eye.  “Everything will be fine.  Ok?  You have to calm down.”

“Yeah, ok.”  He nodded shakily, and he so wasn’t going to be ok, but I had to talk to Caroline anyway.  “Are you sure I shouldn’t talk to her?”

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“Then let me talk to her first at least.”

“What are you gonna say?”

“I dunno.  I’ll come up with something.”

He ran his hand over his face again, scrubbing.  “Fuck.  I should just go talk to her.”

“Just give me a few minutes, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.”

 ~ooOoo~

  

She was right in the living room where I figured she would be.  Sitting on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table, drawing.  I mean, I didn’t exactly know what I was going to say, but Tyler was so beyond handling this right now.  I sat in the chair next to the table and blew out a breath, taking a deep one after.  

“Hey, Caroline.”

“Hi, Allison.”

“So.  Um.”  God.  Great fucking start.  Where did I even start?  “Are you ok?”  

“Yeah, I’m ok.  Are you?”

Aww.  I nodded.  “Yeah, I’m good.”  I jerked my head in the direction of the bedroom.  “I don’t think your brother is though.”

Caroline stopped drawing for a second.  “Yeah, I heard him saying the f-word a lot.”

I didn’t want to laugh at her, but I thought it was really fucking funny that she knew he was upset by his colorful language, and seemed so concerned about that, but really didn’t seem to be upset at all by walking in to her brother plowing into me.  

She was also not necessarily a typical twelve-year-old.  She wasn’t street-wise.  She went to private school.  Not exactly ideal conditions to be getting the skinny on sex in the back of the bus.  And definitely not my experience at all.  I wasn’t even sure she knew exactly what had happened.  I didn’t want to insult her either.  “I don’t want this to sound like I think you don’t know, but…do you know what you saw when you walked in the bedroom?”

“Sex?” she asked it more than answered really.  

“Yeah, we were having sex.”  

“I didn’t know people did it that way.”  

“Yeah they do it that way sometimes.  There are lots of different ways.”  That was probably enough elaboration for now.  “Do you have any questions?”  I just figured, why the fuck not ask her that?  It’s not like I had to beat around the bush here; the kid knew what was happening now for sure.  I’m sure her mother had “the talk” with her already.  And if not, well, this was her chance to ask an expert.  I wondered if his mother had given Tyler the talk.  

Caroline was shading something in, and she did that for at least half a minute.  I was starting to think maybe she was having some sort of problem processing it or something, or she was avoiding it, but I think she was just trying to think of shit to ask me really. 

She put the pencil down slowly and then looked up at me.  “Does it hurt?”

I smiled.  That was not exactly what I expected for the first question, but it was probably the one that most kids wondered about.  “Well, the first time it can.  After that, not usually.”  Not if it’s good anyway.  She didn’t need to know that part yet though.  

“Is it fun?”

“Yeah, it’s fun.”  I nodded.  Then thought maybe I shouldn’t give her a… She was still young, too young.  I didn’t want her to think it was something to start just because it was fun.  “Um, I mean, I think it’s better when you’re older.”  

“My mom says you should only have sex with someone when you love them.”

Oh shit.  I chuckled.  “Well, I’m sure your mom wants you to be careful about who you sleep with.  And sex is a big deal, you know?  You don’t have to—sometimes people just have sex and don’t really even know each other.”  I thought I should probably add to that.  “I’m not saying you should do that, but I’m just saying that people do that.  They don’t have to be in a relationship.  Sometimes it just happens.  I think it’s better when you’re with someone, when you know them better.”

Caroline nodded.  “Does that mean that you love Tyler?”

Ok.  That one I had no fucking clue how to answer.  “I… I care about your brother a lot.  Probably more than I have any other person.  He makes me happy.  Really happy.  I feel safe with him and he’s never hurt me.  He’s really the first boyfriend I’ve had.  The first real one anyway.  He makes me feel good, and I know he cares about me, too.  He’s really nice to me.  I’ve never felt like this about anyone else before.  Knowing I have him makes everything else better, too.”

She was smirking at me.  I wasn’t sure why.  “Is he good at it?”

I burst out laughing.  Curious little girl.  “Yeah, he’s great at it.  He’s very…giving.  And he was really patient.  He’s always great.”

“How did you know you wanted to have sex with Tyler?”

I blew out another breath.   She didn’t really pull any punches.  And this one I didn’t really know how to answer.  I mean I couldn’t tell her about the landlord and what making the decision really meant to me.  Or that for most of my life, sex had meant absolutely nothing to me.  Well maybe I could try to tell her that part.  “Well…for a long time, I didn’t care about who I had sex with.  It didn’t mean anything to me.  Tyler is the first person that made me want to have sex for me, too.  It was something I wanted to share with him.  And I sort of just made the decision.  I don’t think there’s really one way or time when you know.  I just knew when the time was right.”  

Tyler picked that minute to open the door and walk out basically looking like a complete mess.  He was still fucking up his hair and I could tell he probably spent the last however many minutes pacing and wondering what the fuck I was telling her.  I could tell he was also really embarrassed, and maybe it was because I wasn’t related to her, or I had less modesty or something, but I wasn’t embarrassed at all.  We hadn’t done anything wrong.  She just picked a bad time to open that door.  It’s not like we intended for her to see that.  Maybe it was a brother thing.  Like he thought he let her down or something.  I smiled at him, trying to tell him that things were ok, but he just gave me a short, nervous half-smile before his face went back to completely worried and torn.  His hand skimmed over my shoulders before he passed me and sat heavily on the couch next to where Caroline was sitting on the floor.  

“Hey, maestro.”

“Hi.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  She looked back and him.  “How’re you?”

Ha.  So polite.

He was so nervous.  I don’t think I’d seen him this nervous since the night he came to my apartment to apologize.  “Um.  I’m ok.”  He glanced at me before looking back at her.  “You sure you’re ok?”

She rolled her eyes, and picked up her pencil again.  “Yes, Tyler.  I’m ok.”

He looked over at me again and made that what the fuck do I do now? gesture with his hands.  I shook my head and just smiled at him.  He scratched his head.  “Did you have breakfast yet, maestro?”

“No.”

“Great.  Let’s go out for breakfast.”  He got up off the couch, like, incredibly fast.  “I’ll get my shoes on.”  He was halfway to the bedroom when he turned.  “Allison, your shoes are in here.”

“Your brother said something about maybe going to the park today.  You wanna do that?”

“Sure,” Caroline said, excitedly nodding at me.  

“K, we’ll be back in a sec.”  He was pacing in the bedroom again when I got there, no shoes on yet.  “What?”

“What did you say to her?”

“Nothing.  We just talked.  I just answered her questions.”

“What kind of questions?!”  

I giggled at him and put my arms around his waist.  “Fucking hell, when did you get so uptight?”

“When my sister caught us fucking!  That’s when!”

“Shh!  She already knows you were upset.  Which, completely hilariously she seemed more worried about than actually catching us fucking.”

“God, I’m such a horrible role model.”

Aww.  He was beating himself up about this way too much.  “Tyler, it’s fine.  She’s ok.  She’s not mad or damaged or anything else.  And you’re not a horrible role model.  Not at all.  You’re a great role model.  She adores you.”

“My mother is going to kill me.”

“She’s not going to kill you.  I really don’t think Caroline is going to say anything.  We’re adults, Tyler.”

He sighed.  “Yeah.  Let’s just go to breakfast.”  We broke away to get our shoes.  

“I could have made breakfast, you know.”

“Yeah.  I think it’s better if we just leave the scene of the crime here.”  

I shook my head at him.  “You are being so ridiculous.”  

He grabbed my hand as we left the bedroom.  “You ready, maestro?”

“Yep.  Where are we going for breakfast?”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“I dunno.”

I pulled on his hand.  “She likes Tick Tock, right?  That’s on the way.”

He squeezed my hand.  “Yeah, she does.”

“Tick Tock?!”  Caroline was way excited now.  “Can we?”

“Yeah, sure.  Grab your stuff.”

She bounded down the stairs excitedly and I was pretty sure she was skipping down the sidewalk.  When we stopped to wait for the subway, I bent down.  “You know he feels really guilty.  You should really milk this for all it’s worth.  I’m just sayin’…”

She gave me what I would call ‘the nod,’ like we had some code and she was full-on going to follow it now.  And I kind of admit, watching him squirm and being all concerned that he’d damaged her in some way was too good to pass up.  It didn’t happen often.  He was always pretty cool about things.  

She waited until we got on the train to start.  “Tyler can I have pancakes?”  Oh, that was good.  So innocent a start.  

“Sure.”

She waited a while and then added, “And eggs?”

“Sure.”

“And bacon?”

“Of course.  I love bacon.”

“And sausage?”

“Sure, if you want.”

I had all to do not to start laughing.  She was a master at this, and didn’t ask for anything else until we were back on the street.  “Tyler, can I have a milkshake, too?”

“For breakfast?”

“Yeah.”

“Um, sure.  I guess.”

“Do they have waffles?”

“You’re pretty hungry this morning.”

“Well, I’ve had a lot…to deal with.”

He closed his eyes for a second.  “Yeah, right, of course.  You can have whatever you want, ok?”

She giggled.  She let him off waaaay too easily.  “Ok, so you do realize I know what sex is, right?”

He stopped walking.  Like legit just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.  “I… Yeah.  I mean, I didn’t… I never wanted to think about that before, but yes, I realize that now.  Do you realize that you’re my little sister and it’s extremely awkward for me to explain or feel like I haven’t completely fu—screwed you up?”

“Pfffft.  Please.  Tyler.  I’m not five.  I’ve had Sex Ed, and mom has totally already covered this.  And Allison answered the rest.”  And she started walking again.  I laughed right out loud and pulled on his hand.  

“You told her to do that didn’t you?  Before we got on the train.  Didn’t you?”

He was smiling though.  I shrugged.  “Maybe.  Girl has gotta take her chances when she can.  She could have totally kept going actually.  She had you.  She could have gotten way more stuff.”

He sighed.  “Yeah, she totally could have.  She’s just too…moral.”  

I laughed.  “I don’t have those hang-ups.”

“Well, you’re older.”  

“You can work on corrupting her more.  This was a good start.”

He pulled me back, wrapping his arm around my waist.  “That was so mean.”  He tickled me until I pushed away from him and ran up to walk with Caroline, dodging him when he tried it again.  She beamed while she watched us.  I think that meant I had some sort of approval.  

~ooOoo~

She got pancakes and waffles, with eggs, and bacon, and sausage, and a vanilla milkshake for breakfast, and I was so…proud, that she totally followed through with it.  I think he was surprised, but also kinda proud that maybe that whole mischief thing really was genetic.  He was also a complete pushover when it came to her.  It was incredibly sweet. 

I could tell she was completely stuffed when we were leaving.  Tyler teased her on the way out.  “You sure you don’t want anything else?  Burger maybe?  Fries?  Another waffle?”

I giggled when her response was, “Maybe in an hour or so.”

He smiled at me and grabbed my hand.  “So we going to the park?”

“Yeah, walking will be good,” Caroline agreed. 

“Yeah, you can walk off some of breakfast before you start on lunch.”

“Exactly.” 

I laughed.  She was a lot like her brother.  We subway-ed it closer and I think by the time we got to the park, Caroline had an entire route planned out.

“Have you ever been to the park before?”

“Not really.  I mean, we’ve never really taken the time to explore it or anything.  It’s hard to miss; we know it’s here, but we never really get on this side of town much.”

She was about a hundred times more excited now.  “Great!  We can show you all the really cool stuff!”

Tyler groaned dramatically.  “Just promise me we’re not going to the MET.  We’ll never get out of there.”

She really wasn’t paying attention to him, but responded, “Ugh.  Of course we’re not.  She wouldn’t see the park then.”

He snickered.  “Right.  My mistake.”

We entered the park “via Grand Army Plaza.”  She actually said it that way: “via.”  Then she pointed out statues of some newspaper dude whose name started with pew-something and some other soldier guy that had an Indian—I was corrected to “Native American” middle name—and she sounded like a tour guide.  It had to be genetic. 

We passed some playgrounds and I asked her if she wanted to stop. 

“Mmm… No.”  She seemed kind of uncertain though, like she wanted to.   I glanced at Tyler, but he seemed to be staying out of it. 

“Too old for that?”

“No…”

“Then what’s the problem?  We should totally go check out those swings.” 

“I don’t really… I don’t…relate very well to other kids my age.  Mostly they think I’m weird.”

“Pfft.  I’ve been weird my whole life, and have you met your brother?”  I jerked a thumb at him, squeezing his other hand that was still holding mine.  “It’s probably his fault.  It’s genetic.” 

“Yeah, it’s probably my fault,” he agreed.

“Why do you care anyway?  We can still go play.  If they don’t like it, they can just fuck right off.”

Tyler pulled on my hand.

“What?!”

His eyebrows rose. 

“Oh.”  I suddenly realized.  “They can screw right off,” I corrected.

Caroline laughed. 

I looked back at Tyler.  “You swear all the time!”

“I try not to around Caroline.”

She made a noise.  “You know, I can control myself.  It’s not like just because you say it, I’m going to go home and swear at mom.”

I shot him a look that was the equivalent of sticking my tongue out. 

“I still try not to,” Tyler said, shrugging.

“You swore a lot this morning,” Caroline added. 

“Oh, Jesus.  Come on!”

I busted up laughing.  Caroline looked off at the playground once more.  “Maybe later.”  And then took my other hand.  I was surprised with how happy that made me.  Her hand was so tiny compared to Tyler’s. 

~ooOoo~

We skipped the zoo because Caroline didn’t like them.  “The animals never look happy no matter how ‘natural’ their habitats are.” 

Also, this park was fucking huge.  Seriously fucking huge.  We walked forever, and I think you could probably live in this city your whole life and not see everything in this park.  There were tons of statues of people I didn’t know, and names to everything that Caroline just pointed out and rolled onto the next one, and I don’t think I was retaining much information.  I remember something being called “The Mall,” because that was a normally-named thing, and there were lots of little lakes and ponds and bridges and more grass than any other place in the city, and it was a lot to take in.  

“Oh!  This is one of my favorite places!  Tyler and I come here all the time,” Caroline announced, pulling on my hand.  

“You’ll like this one,” Tyler said quietly, and I glanced at him before we came around the path to a giant statue of Alice in Wonderland.  

Caroline let go of my hand and ran up ahead, climbing up on the statue that already had a few kids doing the same thing.  

“Allison Wonderland,” Tyler provided.  

I don’t think I said anything right away.  It was sort of the last thing I expected to see in the park, but it seemed to follow me everywhere now.  

“S’weird, right?”  Tyler said smiling at me.  

“The statue?”  I wasn’t entirely following.  

“That I came here all the time before I knew you.”  He shrugged as we kept walking.  “Very fitting now.”  

“Fitting how?”

He sighed.  “I dunno.  I don’t want to get all philosophical and weird.”

“Right, because you never do that.”

He smirked at me, squeezing my hand.  “I just think it’s interesting that I spent a lot of time here before and it wound up to be a symbol of something that meant a lot to you, that’s all.”

“You’re such a dork,” I said, smiling at him.  “But you’re cute, so I’ll keep you.”  

Caroline picked that time to run back to us because apparently we weren’t getting there fast enough.  “Come on!”  She grabbed my hand again and dragged me towards the statue.

“This is really great, Caroline.  I love Alice in Wonderland.”

She was practically beaming.  “You do?”

“Yeah, I loved it as a kid.  I thought her name was Allison for the longest time.  Allison Wonderland.”

“That does sound a lot alike.”

“I was really bummed when I realized her name was Alice.”

“Allison’s a better name anyway.”  Tyler climbed up and sat next to the white rabbit, lighting a cigarette.

Caroline made a noise of disgust.  “I thought you were going to quit.  You keep telling me you’re going to quit, Tyler.”  I couldn’t decide if there was more disgust or disappointment in her voice.  Probably disappointment.

“I know, maestro, I know.  I’m sorry.  I’ll work on it.”  

“Yeah, Tyler, you should really quit,” I echoed, winking at him.  “That shit’s really bad for you.”

He squinted at me, but there was the hint of a smile, too.  “Are you trying to make points?  Because I think she already likes you.”

“I do,” Caroline nodded, sitting just far enough away from us that the smoke didn’t come near her.  

He waited until she started climbing around the statue again and then fucking pinched me.  “Ow!”

“I totally could have told her you’re a smoker, too.  Could have ruined your whole image.”

“I’ve been good!”

He blew out the smoke quickly.  “Bullshit you’ve been good.  You’re a chain smoker after sex.”

Well, he had me there.  “Only then!”

“It counts!”

“What counts?”  Caroline asked.  

“Nothing,” I said quickly.  “The smoke’s going to his head.  Ignore him completely.”

“Ok.”

I smirked at Tyler while he chuckled.  I think he kind of liked being ganged up on by the two of us.  He stubbed the cigarette out on the rabbit’s hat.  “Wow, you’re such a rebel.  Using a statue as your ashtray and clearing it of all other children.  Pretty badass, Tyler.”

He curled a finger at me.  “C’mere.”

As we pretty much had the entire statue to ourselves, I had no problem scooting over to sit next to him.  Caroline seemed to be amusing herself with the climbing for the moment, so I didn’t think we had to worry too much about her when he started kissing me.  

And the problem with him kissing me…even though they were gentle kisses, I wanted more.  I wanted it to keep going.  Kissing was like a fast track to sex is on—that would be really inappropriate on the Alice in Wonderland statue, and we’d already been caught once by his sister today.  I pulled back a little, but he just followed me, his tongue pushing into my mouth and making me just want to melt back into him.  So I did again for a while, pushing my tongue against his and nipping at his lip, and then pulled back.  But the fucker just kept his mouth coming at me again, and as the kisses kept deepening, and I found myself not really caring that we were out in public anymore, or that Caroline could be feet away.  And before I really knew it, I was totally palming him through his jeans, and a half a second away from climbing in his lap.  

He pushed me back a little.  “Whoa, baby, we can’t…”

K, now I was pissed.  “Well then why the fuck were you kissing me like that?”

His brow furrowed.  “Because I like kissing you?”

“Yeah, but we’re in public.”

“Yeah…” he trailed off.

“So you can’t be kissing me like that and not expect me to get turned on!  Then don’t fucking tease me like that.”

His head actually jerked back.  “I… I wasn’t teasing you.”

“Then what would you call that?”

“A public display of affection?”  

I was sort of hushed-yelling at him, and I was all turned on and now I had no outlet for it and I didn’t understand what the fuck he was even talking about.  “How is sticking your tongue in my mouth a display of affection?”

He blinked.  “Ok.  I mean, you can get turned on by it.  I get turned on by you all the time.  But it doesn’t have to mean we’re going to have sex right then.”

“Why would we not have sex when we’re turned on?”

“Well, because we can have sex any time we want to.  There’s not, like, an expiration on it.  We don’t have to have sex right away just because we’re kissing.  We can let it settle and have sex later.  Sometimes it’s not appropriate right at that minute.  But I’m not teasing you.  I wouldn’t do that.”

I thought about that for a minute.  I really didn’t know that I liked that answer at all.  I understood what he was saying.  I believed him when he said he wasn’t deliberately teasing me.  But… “That just fucking sucks,” I finally settled on.

He chuckled quietly.  “Well, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry it’s not always appropriate to have sex on command.  But that also doesn’t mean we can’t kiss and turn each other on just because we can’t have sex right then.  Sometimes the waiting makes it better, too.”

“Ugh.  Don’t even start spouting that shit.”  I moved a few inches away from him.  “Ugh.  Don’t even talk to me right now.”

That quiet little chuckle came out again, and he moved right back to me, putting his arm around me and pulling me in like I was gonna cave, and of course, I fucking did, because he was all sun-warm and squinting at me, and so annoyingly reasonable.  “Allison.”  He pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“Stop with the kissing already, asshole.”

“It’s not possible for us to have sex 24/7.”

“Coulda fooled me.”

He laughed.  “Come on.  Seriously.  But that doesn’t mean we can’t be affectionate in between.”

“I don’t like affection in between then.”  I was pouting.  Completely.

“You do.  You will.”

“Whatever.”

He squeezed me tighter and I sighed dramatically, because it was such a fucking lame-o, stupid-ass way to have affection with no sex.  

He smartly didn’t try to say anything else—just let me pout while I let him affectionately hold onto me.  Stupid fucking affection.  

“Were you having sex that one time at the Christmas party?”  Caroline suddenly asked, just… right there.  

“What?!” Tyler looked…horrified was the only word I could come up with.  He moved away from me a little, his hand still on my back; his face was priceless.

“That Christmas party, like…two years ago?  You came out of the closet a few seconds before that one girl that worked with mom came out.  You were buckling your belt when you came out, and I thought that was weird.  Were you having sex in mom’s closet?”

What made it hilarious was that her questions were so innocent and matter-of-fact.  She asked them like she would have asked if it was sunny out today.  There wasn’t any judgment behind it, it was pure curiosity.  

Tyler had gone white.  Like…seriously white.  If we would have been standing, I think he might have passed out.  I could tell whatever she was asking was slowly clicking into place, and then he did this quick eye-jerk to me, and then realized he had to answer her, and I was trying so hard not to laugh.  This was totally making up for not being able to have sex with him after kissing.  

He cleared his throat, and shook his head.  “No, I wasn’t having sex in mom’s closet.  We were… Well, we weren’t… I wasn’t having sex in mom’s closet.”

I started giggling, I couldn’t help myself.

“You already said that,” Caroline added.

“Right.  No.  We…” He scrubbed a hand over his face and totally said ‘fuck’ under his breath.  “Do you know what making out is?”

Caroline rolled her eyes.  “Of course I know what making out is.  You were just making out with Allison.”

I was biting my lip, but a tiny bit of laugher just burst out.  I couldn’t help it.  “So this is a habit with you, huh?”

Tyler sighed, frustrated.  “Ok, look—first of all, Allison and I were just kissing.  Just kissing.  That’s all.  The girl at the Christmas party…we were doing a lil more than kissing.  We were making out in the closet.”  He fumbled for a second, his hand making this gesture to try to get the words right for a twelve-year-old.  “Touching and stuff.”

Caroline nodded.  “Oh.  Ok.”  

She seemed to accept that as a good enough answer and went around the other side of the statue.  

Tyler looked like he was still kind of in shock.  That she’d asked maybe, or that she’d caught him before, I wasn’t sure, but I was finding it really funny anyway.  

“Little public display of affection in the closet there, Tyler?”

His mouth pursed, but he was totally smiling.  “A little, yeah.”

“Did you just lie to your sister?  Were you having sex in your mom’s closet?”

“No… I didn’t really lie.  I wasn’t having sex.”

“She blew you in the closet, didn’t she?”

“Yep.”

I snorted.  “At least Caroline didn’t open the door a few minutes sooner.”

He groaned.  “God, I’m a horrible brother.”

“Did you go down on her, too?  Give her a little Christmas present?”

He scoffed.  “No, she just blew me.”

“Well, I don’t get it then.”

“What don’t you get?”

“I thought you told me that if you got off, the girl always got off, too.”

The white from before was totally replaced with red; even his ears were red.  It was cute.  “Well, they usually did.  That was… It wasn’t planned, and it kinda just happened.  If we would have had more time…”

“Sure, sure.  I get it. “

“I’m not like that anymore.”

I smiled, and took his face in my hands and kissed him gently.  “I know.”

One (Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty | Twenty-One | Twenty-Two | Twenty-Three | Twenty-Four | Twenty-Five | Twenty-Six | Twenty-Seven | Twenty-Eight | Twenty-Nine |  Thirty  |  Thirty-One  |  Thirty-Two  |  Thirty-Three  |  Thirty-Four  |  Thirty-Five  |  Thirty-Six  |  Thirty-Seven  |  Thirty-Eight  |  Thirty-Nine |