Chapter Thirty-Six

Playlist.com got shut down (SAD DAY!) so I had to try another playlist format (YET AGAIN) and tried youtube.  We'll see how this works.  Link: Chapter 36 Playlist


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Chapter Thirty-Six

APOV

I had a lot of new levels of happy since I met Tyler.  And this was exactly the same.  I couldn’t remember ever being this happy.  Happy with nothing attached to it.  No hidden intentions.  I always wanted to be with him.  This feeling never stopped.  Which is probably why we really hadn’t stopped fucking since we started last week.  In fact, we sort of didn’t really leave the apartment except for his doctor appointment and several condom runs.  I sent him out a few nights ago at something like 3am because we lost track of how many we used, and it was necessary that we fuck again.  He barely got the box open before I was all over him.  I don’t think we even made it to the bed.  

I suppose that was sort of… I don’t even know what word to call it—cliché?—that a former hooker would become some sex-starved nymphomaniac.  But it was different with Tyler.  Always.  I said that about a million times, but there was just nothing else that made any sense.  Different was all I had.  I never wanted someone like that before.  

I wasn’t sure how I’d adjust when we actually had to go back to work and shit.  

I liked the way he reacted to me when I basically wasn’t even really trying.  Made me wonder what would happen if I actually tried.  I think I sort of really evilly enjoyed torturing Aidan, too.  I wasn’t sure why.  Maybe because he was the only other one that really knew what we were doing.  I thought about calling Jordan, but that seemed like a better conversation to have in person.  

We seemed to end up in the shower a lot.  One was because it was fucking hot in the apartment, and it was one of the only ways to cool off, but I think because I let him take the brace off, he tried to steer us there more than usual.  I had no complaints; the water in his shower was always the temperature you wanted it, and since we spent a lot of time fucking, cooler showers were just amazingly refreshing.  It wasn’t like we even spent every shower fucking around.  It was nice to just be there with him.  He never seemed to get tired of it either, just washing or touching—his hands were always so gentle, and I’d never felt… I didn’t know what to call what I felt with him.  

I liked the balance of that feeling with the part that just wanted him all the time.  Whether it came together or not, it just always seemed like both were there.  

I woke up to find him gone, and that was just unacceptable.  It didn’t matter that he just went out into the kitchen—I wanted him again.  And I’d been forced to actually get halfway dressed.  He was hard before I even lost the T-shirt I threw on.  And once he took it off of me, the way he looked at me—this shower wasn’t going to be just washing and touching.  

I knew the brace annoyed him, but he’d actually gotten really good with using one hand to do shit.  So I only made a quick, short noise that meant both Are you sure? and Should you be doing that? when he picked me up.  He made sure I knew he was only holding me up with his good hand, and then I was hooking my legs around his waist, while shoving his boxers down, and too lost in his mouth to really worry about it.  

I didn’t actually even realize we were in the shower until he set me down and lukewarm water was hitting my back. 

I’m not sure either of us really… It just sort of went that way.  He turned us, and pressed me up against the shower wall, I was half-climbing him already, my hands in his hair, our mouths never separating.  He somehow managed to get the brace off without me noticing, bare fingers of both hands kneading my ass, pulling me into him.  He was hard between us, and watching me all half-lidded and heavy-breathing, and my arms were already dropping to hold onto his neck, and I just sort of nodded at him a little in agreement, and he hitched me up higher on the wall, my legs wrapped around him again, and he pushed inside me. 

I had guys in me before without a condom.  Fuck, I had Tyler in me before without one, but we were both different people then, and things had changed with us now.  Some of the other times weren’t necessarily my decision.  And really, I hadn’t thought that much about it with Tyler.  Condoms were just part of the routine.  They were a necessary part of sex.  But I didn’t want to stop this and have him run off to the bedroom to get one, either.  And feeling him this way—it was instantly hotter, and wetter than sex with a condom—like I could feel so much more of him.  I don’t think it was really all a physical thing, either—it wasn’t that there was that much difference with the actual sensations, but I knew he was inside me without it, and it just made what already always felt to me like the closest and most intimate experience I had skyrocket up even farther.  It felt like I was feeling him as close as possible in every possible way.  And he still did it in his normal, tender way.  Physical or not, it felt better.  I didn’t think it was possible to be better.  And maybe it was just because there was no barrier, but he felt more…mine.  I hadn’t ever had a lot of anything that I could have claimed was mine.  But every time we did this, he felt like he was mine.    

I loved it.  And by the sounds of it; the way he was moaning against my neck while he thrust, he thought so, too—I felt more his the same way he felt more like he was mine.  I never loved a shower more.  The way I could arch against the wall and him, and feel him deeper, and that there was no barrier while he was doing it.  Just that alone made me shudder.  I think half the build-up of the orgasm that was coming was just thinking about it. 

We were skirting dangerous lines here, and with anyone else, I would have been much more careful.  I wouldn’t have even considered the idea of it.  But there was nothing about this that felt uncomfortable or wrong or unnatural.

I’m not sure if it was just the idea of what we were doing, the adrenaline and the danger, or if it was the frantic way we ended up in the shower, all horny and hurried, but it felt like the meaning was different because even here, he was so gentle, and deliberate and aware of everything about me.  The orgasm kinda just overwhelmed me completely.  And it was a good thing he had the wall, because I basically just tightened around him and did nothing to help him keep me up, my body shaking.  

He stopped thrusting while I came, and from the way his forehead was digging into my neck while he panted there, I knew he was close.  “Fuck.  You want me to pull out?”

I’m not sure it was really a question.  I think we both knew what the answer was.  But my first reaction?   I didn’t.  Not at all.  But he should.  He really should.  I think it took me longer to answer than I thought it did.  “Fuck.  Yeah.  Pull out.”

He was still holding me up, and I started scrambling down in a really wobbly way, because I wasn’t completely sure my legs were going to want to stay upright.  But he needed to come, and he had no hands left to help with that if he was holding me.  It only took a few strokes and his cock was pulsing in my hand, his good hand landing above my shoulder so he didn’t buckle into me. 

And watching him come—it felt…incomplete.  Which was completely ridiculous.  He finished inside me with a condom countless times in the last week, and had come a bunch of different ways when we were fooling around.  None of those felt incomplete.  But fuck if it didn’t now.  And I wondered instantly if he felt the same way.  It wasn’t that it made everything else bad.  It just… This one felt incomplete. 

I don’t think either one of us moved for quite a while.  I just leaned into him, my head on his chest, and he leaned into me, and I think we were basically all that was holding each other up.  I really liked that.  I wrapped my arms around his waist and his hand was resting on my lower back, and this was one of things I really loved.  That we could just be together.  I loved everything about it with him. 

He sighed quietly, and I pulled back to look at him.  His eyes were warm, and he had a tiny smile on his face.  I arched on my toes and kissed him. 

When I dropped back down, he sighed again, less quietly, and ran a hand over his face.  “I’m sorry.”

Say what?  “The fuck are you sorry for?”

“That was probably really stupid.”  He shook his head.  “It was really stupid.  No probably.  I’m sorry.”

Ah.  Yeah, he didn’t need to apologize.  “I’m not fucking sorry,” I said with a kind of put-off chuckle.  “It was amazing.”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t.”  He smiled for a second but shook his head again.  “It was really irresponsible.”

I snorted.  “Well it was both of us. It’s not like I didn’t want it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna pull out.  And that’s really, really dangerous.  And stupid.”

The idea again of him not pulling out pretty much almost sent me into another orgasm right there.  It was the only experience that I hadn’t had yet.  And I wanted that, too.  I cupped his cheek.  “I didn’t want you to pull out either.”

I’m not sure that was the reaction he was expecting.  It took him a minute, but he just kept going back to the head shaking.  “It was still stupid.  I don’t want to be stupid with you.”  He turned the water off and pulled the shower curtain back.  He seemed angry, or frustrated.  And I knew he was mad at himself. 

“So what are you telling me?  You’ve been stupid before?”

He handed me a towel.  “I’ve been lucky before.  Stupid and lucky.  And thankfully, not often.  I mean, I was with you before.  I don’t want to do that to you again.”

I furrowed my brow at him.  “I’m not judging you.”  I waved my hand at myself.  “Hooker.”

“That’s not—That night in the alley—I didn’t know you at all, and you didn’t know me, and I was a total asshole.  I didn’t think at all, or I thought with my dick, and that could have been really bad for both of us.  I should have stopped and asked a lot of questions, and been upfront myself, too.”

“That’s not us anymore.  You’re not that guy anymore.”

He sighed.  “I know, but it pisses me off that I was then.  I should have told you then that I’d been tested and I was clean.  Way before I just assumed you wanted me to randomly stick my dick in you.”

I couldn’t help it.  I laughed at him.  Because it was just so like him to be pissed about something from forever ago that really didn’t matter anymore.  His face lightened a little at my laughing. 

“Well, I mean, we didn’t really do things in a normal—what does it even matter?  It doesn’t matter anymore.  I didn’t ask either.  I let you just randomly stick your dick in me.  And now I really like it.  So it’s good.  We’re good.”

I moved over and put the towel I had around both of us, trapping his arms.  He didn’t make any move to get them free.  He sighed quietly.  “It was still just wrong.  I should have told you that when I apologized the first time.”

“Stop it,” I said gently.  “I didn’t tell you anything either.  I’m the one with the really fucked up sexual history.  If anyone was at risk, it was probably more you than me.  We weren’t us then.  And it’s sort of fitting that you’d turn out to be the nice guy.  Because in my experience, usually the ones that came on nice were the worst scumbags in the world.”

He chuckled.  “That’s sort of backwards and fucked up.  But who the fuck gets to say what’s normal anyway?”

“Exactly.  So stop being pissed about it.”

He nodded slowly. 

I nodded back, in that ‘this shit is now closed’ manner.  “You hungry?”

“Sure.”

I smirked.  I don’t think he ever actually said no when I asked that question.  “What do you feel like?”

“Surprise me,” he said, turning us and kissing me quickly.  He stopped when he got to the doorway of the bedroom.  “Am I allowed to put shorts on now, or is that still illegal?”  He pointed to me.  “If you’re going to be cooking naked, I’m already telling you that it’s still illegal.  Because we might not make it to eating.”

I chuckled.  “I think I can manage to keep myself under control for the time it takes to cook.”

“We can order in, too, if you don’t want to cook.  You don’t have to cook.  It’d be really fucking hot to cook.”

“I don’t mind cooking.  Or I’ll find something easy.”

“K.  I’m going to park my ass on the couch then.  You wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“What kind?”

I smirked when I turned to go to the kitchen.  “Surprise me.”  I kissed him quickly when I passed him.  “Don’t forget the brace.”

“Ugh.  Damn.”

“Silly boy.  Like I’d forget.”

~ooOoo~

So, I copped out with the whole cooking part of food, and decided just to make sandwiches.  It was too fucking hot in the apartment to use the oven, and I didn’t feel like waiting for the stove either.  It wasn’t liked he’d complain.  I started some bacon in the microwave and started slicing a tomato.  And sort of couldn’t stop thinking about him inside me.  And coming inside me.  And how much I wanted that.  And how it would feel.  And I was so busy thinking and imagining it, that I wasn’t paying attention to the knife and sliced my finger.  

“Fuck!”  I dropped the knife on the counter.  

“You ok?” Tyler was right there, looking over my shoulder.  

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  I pushed him back and ran it under the faucet.  

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, really.  I just spaced out.”

He grabbed my hand, inspecting my finger.  I looked up at him, and couldn’t help but smile because he was all worried, and had literally come running in here.  My knight in boxers and a ratty T-shirt.  

His eyes cut to me, noticing my smile.  “This is serious.  It might need superglue.”

I blew out a laugh.  

He smiled back.  “Seriously.  This looks bad.  We definitely need to disinfect it.”

I tried to pull my hand back, but he held onto it.  “Stop teasing me, or I’ll bleed all over your sandwich.”

He pulled my hand up, and before I knew what the fuck he was going to do, my finger was in his mouth.  His tongue slid gently along the cut, and his cheeks hollowed, sucking on my finger.  This was not at all helpful for my train of thought.  And I sort of just stood there, letting him suck on my finger, while he smirked around it in his mouth.  Because… I dunno exactly why, but it was incredibly sexy.  Maybe it was the level of trust or just the idea that he had no qualms about sucking blood off of my finger.  I don’t even know anymore.  

He pulled off, and I had to resist the urge to climb all over him again.  “C’mon.  Let’s get you a Band-Aid.”

And then he led me back to the bathroom where he did just that—it was sort of unreal.  I wondered if that’s how he felt the first day I came to his apartment and glued his head.  And he had the best hands.  Soft and always gentle, and I just wanted to sigh at him all the time.  

I managed to finish the rest of the sandwiches without more injury, and I handed him his plate and plopped down next to him while he started the movie.  I don’t even know what fucking movie it was.  I took a bite and chewed without really tasting the damn sandwich.  

“What else is on here?”

It took me a second to realize he was talking about the sandwich.  And then another before I figured out what the fuck I put on there that was different.  “It’s a BALT.”

“A what?”  

“It’s avocado.  Bacon, avocado, lettuce and tomato.”

“Avocado?”  He smiled, amused.

“Yes, avocado.”

“An interesting choice.  It’s good.  I wouldn’t think it would be, but it’s good.  And I don’t normally even like tomatoes.”

“It was big in Vegas.  I started jokingly calling them BALTs and it sort of just stuck.  I never had one before I got to Vegas.”

“It’s good.”

I nodded, distracted.  “Yeah.  K,” I said, setting my plate down.  “I’m having a really hard time concentrating on anything.”

“Why?”

“Like I don’t even know what this fucking movie is about.  And it’s why I cut my finger.” 

“Ok.  What’s up?”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you inside me.”

He swallowed quickly and dropped the sandwich to the plate, and chucked the plate next to mine on the coffee table.  “Ok, good.  It’s not just me then.  I dunno what the fuck this movie is about either.  But I’m also a guy, so…I pretty much think about that all the time, 24/7.”

I laughed, leaning into him.  He put his arm around me.  “I liked it.”

He nodded.  “Me, too.”

“I want it again.”  

“I’d like that, too.”

“And I don’t want you to have to pull out next time.”

He let out a breath.  “Ok.”

“Is that ok?  I mean, do you want that, too?”

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.  “Yeah, of course it is.”

I nuzzled into his chest more.  He hadn’t really specified what he answered there.  I dunno.  I was so fucking caught up in this idea, I just had to make sure he really wanted it, too.  I mean, I didn’t think most guys would turn that down, but I just… Fuck.  I started playing with a little hole in his T-shirt.  “Did you want to pull out?”

“No,” he said quietly, his hand rubbing up and down my arm.   

Ok.  No was good.  “So I’m thinking there’s a free clinic near my apartment on 33rd.  I know they give free birth control to some of the girls at the club, or it’s really cheap.”  I started chewing on my lip.  “What would you think about that?”

“No, I mean, that’s great.  As long as you’re comfortable with that.”

I pulled back.  “Yeah, I’m comfortable with that.  I want it.  But I don’t want it if you don’t.”

He pulled me closer and kissed me gently, pressing his forehead into mine.  “I’m not trying to be vague.  I just don’t want you to want something because you think I want it.  That’s not what this is, right?”

“No.  I know I want it.  You felt incredible.”  

“Pffft, I can’t even.  There’s nothing I can even compare it to.”

“What did it feel like to you?  How was it different?”  I hadn’t really planned on asking him that, really, but it just sort of came out.  

I liked that there was no hesitation; he just started answering.  “I mean, sex is always good, no matter if there’s a condom or not, but when there isn’t one, it’s just…everything is more.  It’s sort of like the condom just dulls things slightly.  Feeling-wise, you’re so much warmer.  And it’s wetter.”

“Yeah, that was my—that’s what felt the most different for me, too.”

“Yeah.  I don’t buy shitty condoms, so it’s not that feeling is much different, but it’s just different.  And it’s mental, too, I think.”

I smiled.  “It’s totally mental.  Just knowing.”

“I kinda feel like my chest is going to explode actually.”

“What?  Why?”

“Just the idea is sort of…” he waved his hand for a second and ran it through his hair.  “Overwhelming my mind at the moment.  Or I dunno.  That you want it.  That you want that with me.  It’s incredibly—like the ultimate thing you can offer, you know.  I’m just—there’s nothing closer than that.  Nothing else you can share.  And you know, I’m not sure I’m—” he stopped and took a deep breath.  “We can go tomorrow if you want.  You can call and make an appointment and we can go tomorrow.”

I’m not sure exactly where he was going with that last part, but I got the feeling he was going to say something like worthy—while then blurting that he was going with me in the next breath.  I mean, what more was there exactly that I could ask for?  “You’re gonna come with me?”

“Of course I’ll go with you.  Why wouldn’t I go with you?”

I let out a sigh, and fell back into his chest.  

“You wanna call and make an appointment, or you want me to?”

Aww.  I mean, really?  “You’d call and make an appointment for me?”

He shrugged.  “Sure, why not?”

“Do you have a phone book?”

He got up wordlessly and rummaged in a kitchen drawer for a second before bringing it back to me.  I found the number and waited for him to start talking.  I could tell he got a recorder.  “They’re only open Monday—Wednesday.”  

Well fuck.  It was Thursday.  I wasn’t waiting until fucking Monday.  “Are they suggesting other places?” I asked.

He nodded.  “There’s a Planned Parenthood on Bleecker Street.  That’s, like, ten blocks from here.”

I nodded.  “Call there.”  I shifted and sat sideways on the couch, putting my legs over his.  His free hand just landed on my calf like it was meant to be there, and I loved the level of comfortableness that I felt.  

He nodded to the coffee table.  “Hand me that pen.”  He made this rather adorable, frustrated growling noise when he tried to write the number down.  The brace didn’t exactly make writing easy.  “Is that ok, or do you want to wait for the other place to be open?”

I shook my head.  “I don’t want to wait until they’re open again.  Call the other place.”

I was sort of impressed when he started talking.  It was probably way better than anything I could have said.  I mean, I wasn’t really surprised, but he sounded very…responsible.  

“Hi.  I need to make an appointment for my girlfriend and me to come in and discuss birth control options.  Would you have any openings tomorrow?  No, time doesn’t matter.  Whatever you have open is fine.  Yeah.  Ok.”

I looked at him with my eyebrows raised in question.

“She’s transferring me to the appointment scheduler.”

“Score.”

“Yeah,” he said into the phone.  “Ok.  Go ahead.  Allison Clark.  487 9th Ave.”  He looked at me.  “I dunno the zip.”

I smiled.  “10018.”

“Tyler Hawkins.  539 E 9th St.  10009.  Yeah, I do.  She doesn’t.  Ok.”

It was odd to hear only half of the conversation.  It wasn’t like I didn’t think he knew the answers, but it was weird having someone else answer for me.  I never had anyone actually know that much about me that they could answer.  He wrote something else down and scribbled, irritated like the pen was the problem.  

“Yeah, we’ve both been tested.”  His eyes cut to me.  “How long ago?”

“Probably two years ago.”

“Mine was probably that long ago, too.”  He paused to listen to her.  “Yeah, ok.”  He listened some more.  He moved the phone away from his mouth, his head moving back to rest on the couch.  “Jesus Christ.”  He sighed.  “Now she wants to know when your last pelvic exam was—I fucking examined it myself last night and it was fine,” he said, totally loud enough that I’m sure she heard it.  

“Fine?” I asked.  “It was fine?”  

He rolled his eyes at me and smirked.  “I mean healthy.  It was very healthy.  Healthy-fine.  It’s also the most amazing pussy in the world.  Is that better?”  I giggled.  I’m sure she heard that, too.

Mr. Hawkins!?  I heard from the phone and he grinned some more at me.  “Yes?”  The rest sounded like that teacher on the Snoopy show.  I couldn’t make out what she was saying to him.  He nodded toward me.  “When was your last pelvic exam?”

I suppose it said something about how adult and real our relationship was that he actually managed to ask me that with a completely straight face.  “Same—it’s been two years.”

He relayed the information, and wrote something else down.  “Ok.  Yeah, it doesn’t matter.  Whatever it takes.”

I smirked.  I didn’t know exactly what he was talking to them about, but he sort of sounded like what he described his father like there.  Of course, I didn’t tell him that.  “Ok, thanks.”  He hung up and tossed the phone on the table.  

“So?”

“We can go in at 1:00.  They recommend retesting for STDs yearly, and the same for a gynecological exam, especially because it’s been a few years since you’ve had one.”  

“Greaaaaaat.”

He smiled gently.  “But they can do it all tomorrow.  Test both of us, exam for you, and then talk about the types of birth control that are available.  If you don’t want the exam, we can just tell them that tomorrow.”

I sighed.  “No, I mean, we’re being all responsible and shit.  I suppose that’s not a bad idea.”

“Right.”

“How much does it cost?”

He shook his head.  “Doesn’t matter.  Don’t worry about that.”

“Tyler.”

“Mine they’ll run through insurance.  If you bring a check stub, they have a sliding scale for how much services cost.  But it doesn’t matter because I’m paying for it anyway.  We’re both supposed to bring ID for age verification.”

“I don’t want you to pay for all of it.”

“Well, that’s too bad.  Because I am.  Because…if you hadn’t met me, you wouldn’t have the expense.  There.”

“Yeah, that was a great argument, honey.”

He smiled.  “Ok, I’m paying because you just called me honey, and I liked it.”  He moved over, leaning into me on the couch.  “And you now have to endure a pelvic exam, too, and it’s not even the super fun kind where you have an orgasm.”

I laughed, pulling him down to my mouth.  “You’re worth it.  And the payoff is totally fucking worth it.”

He nodded, pulling back just at the last minute before we were going to kiss.  “It better be a chick.  If they give you a guy, I’m protesting.”

“Ok, honey.”  I pulled him the rest of the way, shoving my tongue in his mouth.  

He moaned into my mouth.  “Mmm, I think I better just check that at least one more time before we go.  My own check.  I want to be thorough.  In case they ask my opinion or something.  For authentication purposes.”  

And then he was moving down my body, shoving the T-shirt up so he could kiss and lick his way down my body.  He didn’t linger anywhere, just made a straight shot down, and hooked his fingers in the waistband of the boxers I similarly threw on before making our sandwiches.  I spread my legs for him as he breathed over my mound, his thumbs tracing down my pussy lips before he parted me and went straight to sucking on my clit.  

I arched up into his mouth immediately, my hands landing in his hair.  “Shit, Tyler.”

He moaned into my clit.  “Mmm—looks good so far.”

“Oh, God.”

His fingers pushed in, curling up while he lapped at my clit.  “Feels good, too.”

He kept pressing.  “I think this spot might need to be further examined.”  

“Oh, Jesus.”  

“It’s hot when you pray.”

I laughed, but it somehow managed to come out completely in a moan because his fingers were exactly where I needed them, his mouth keeping my clit throbbing.  

“Fuck.”

“Tell me.”

I tugged on his hair.  “God, it’s good.  So good.”  He better not expect me be to be at all reasonable.  

His mouth was making the dirtiest wet sounds against me.  I loved that he never pulled back with me.  No matter how gentle he was, he never backed off.  “Mmm, what else?”

“Burning.  It’s like burning when your finger—right there.”

“Hmmm.”

“Jesus, fuck.”

“Jesus might not like that.  Burning might be a sign of something serious.”

I giggled, but he managed to make it a long, breathy moan again because of his fucking mouth.  

“Still burning?”

“Yes,” I answered; the ‘s’ becoming one really long syllable.  

“Oh, come on!  On the couch?  I sit on that couch!”

Tyler’s head jerked to the direction of the sound, but I knew it was Aidan.  And as I was a little occupied, I didn’t really care.  “Keep moving, Aidan,” Tyler said back to him, but his tone was low, and kinda dangerous sounding.  It was really fucking sexy.  “Or turn around and fuck off.”

And I kind of loved that he never moved his hands away from me, and pretty much said that to Aidan while he was still between my legs.  

Aidan grumbled, but kept walking in the direction of his bed.  “You guys are so fucking… I hate you guys.  And you’re a horrible roommate, Tyler.”

He chuckled from between my legs, his eyes all amused and wicked; and so fucking blue in this light.  God.  And then he just picked right up where he left off.  “Still burning?”

“Fuck, yeah.”

“You’re close, aren’t you?”  He didn’t really ask that as a question.  He knew me too well.  

I nodded, feeling entirely breathless and kind of wild.  I dunno why, it was just a fucking couch.  It wasn’t like it was the oddest place in the world to have oral.  It was so common, but for some reason, it felt really out of control.  Maybe it was just the anticipation of what tomorrow would bring.  What it would mean.  

He nodded back to me, not expecting an actual verbal answer, and just kept everything up, his breathing fast, and he seemed as wired and hyper as I felt.  And completely covered his face in me, his mouth slightly rougher when I was right on the edge.  His fingers never moved until I was done clenching around them, my legs shuddering while his tongue licked me gently through the orgasm.   

He was grinning at me from between my legs when I looked down at him.  “Exam complete.”

I chuckled.  “Dork.  C’mere.”  I gestured for him to move back up.

He groaned.  “I think my ribs are saying no to anymore of this position at the moment.”

“Aww,” I said, sitting up.  “Then we’ll have to switch positions.”

“Nah.  I just wanted an excuse to taste you.”

~ooOoo~

We were eating breakfast when Aidan shuffled into the kitchen.  His “room” always amused me, because it was basically like what a college loft looked like.  It wasn’t strictly a room at all, and if he ever had a girl over, she would have been screwing in a lofted bunk bed.  

He didn’t say anything right away, and I glanced at Tyler wondering if he was actually pissed off about catching us on the couch, but Tyler rolled his eyes and waved me off.  

“Sleep ok?” I finally asked.  

“Mmm, fine.  You guys have fun fucking last night again?  Some more?  All the goddamn time.”

“We did, yeah,” I answered, nodding quickly and happily.  

He scoffed, and then started eating the cereal he poured messily.  “Oh, I almost forgot.  Nice tits last night.  Just wanted to mention.”  

“Hey—if you like where your balls are, you’ll keep your mouth shut and your eyes averted,” Tyler said.  

Aidan put his hands up.  “I’m just paying your girlfriend a compliment!”  

“So if you do start humping the couch, now I’ll know why,” I threw at him.  “You’ll be thinking about me and my tits.”

Tyler choked on his coffee, and Aidan gave me a full open-mouthed view of his cereal while he tried to come up with something to say back to me.  He never did think of anything to say to that by the time we left for the appointment.  

~ooOoo~

I didn’t really like doctors.  They talk over your head or they talk to you like you’re five; and in my experience, a lot of them aren’t very nice.  Of course, that could be because the foster system didn’t really have great doctors, and my other experiences tended to be after really fucked up shit happened to me.  So, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be here.  But at the same time, I wanted this with Tyler, so I could put up with it.  

We got this mountain of paperwork to do first.  And I was already kind of annoyed because that meant I was going to have to read shit, and that took me a long fucking time.  Of course, Tyler must have thought of that, because when we sat down, he just started reading the questions quietly.  And saying completely sarcastic or ridiculous answers for the questions.  

Reason for visit today? Chicken nuggets

Have you taken any medication or drugs of any kind today? Can cookies be a drug?

“Seriously?  Do you have an allergy to latex or shellfish?  Why the fuck are those two together?  Why would you ever need to know if I’m allergic to shellfish?  Like it’s going to be near a condom and I’d die twice?  The fuck?”

First day of last menstrual period? Well, I can tell you when Aidan’s was…

Tobacco Use: If current smoker, are you interested in quitting? Certainly not while filling this fucker out

He was incredibly sweet.  And wound up basically filling mine out because it was just faster.  He did his own and then just asked me the shit on the paper, and he didn’t linger on anything, even the really awkward questions that I sort of didn’t realize would be on there.  Like the fact that I knew nothing about my family’s health history because I never really knew my family.  Or that I couldn’t remember if I had all the vaccinations I was supposed to get as a kid.  

He stopped a few times when I said I didn’t know, like it surprised him for a second, but then he’d just nod and say quietly, “We’ll just put ‘don’t know.’”

He took a deep breath.  “Ok, so… I understand there’s probably shit that you don’t want me to know yet, or don’t want to tell me.  So if there’s something you don’t want to answer, we’ll leave it blank and you can just tell the doctor, ok?”

He was so sweet.  I nodded.  “Ok.”

He took another deep breath before he started.  “At what age did you first engage in sexual activity?”

“Like…any kind of sexual activity or sex?”

“I think they mean any kind.”

I thought a second.  “I think, like, twelve.”

He wrote it down and he was thinking, I could tell.  “Would it help if I told you mine?”

Jesus, I didn’t need to cry in the middle of Planned Parenthood.  I swallowed thickly.  “Yeah, that’d be great.”  Wouldn’t make mine any less fucked up, but he was trying.

“I was fifteen.  Her name was Regean.  Regean Callaway.  She was… Well let’s just say that she was probably named after the girl from The Exorcist, and the similarities didn’t end there.  She was a horribly pretentious bitch of a girl.”

I laughed, and he smiled.  “Was Jeremy your first?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.  

He nodded, and then looked back at the paper.  “I think I can answer the next few because I’m pretty sure you haven’t slept with any other women, and you’re currently only fucking me, and it’s been that way for six months.  Right?”

I smirked.  “Yeah, that’s right.”

“They ask how many sexual partners you’ve had in your lifetime.  Is that something you can answer or would you like me to put ‘don’t know’ for that one?”

God, I mean…there were no other guys that would be this understanding.  Or helpful.  Or trying to save me the extra hurt.  “Don’t know would be good there.  I can explain why to them later.”

He wrote it down.  “K, so pretty much, when I think about it… I was a total slut before you met me.”

I burst out laughing.

“No, I’m serious.  Because I had a lot of one night stands, and I had a lot of repeat one night stands with chicks that thought the second time around I was really going to want to be in a relationship with them, and I was only looking to get laid.  I really didn’t care.”

I was actually very curious now.  “Ok, so how many did you write down?”

“I estimated in the 30s.  Probably more toward the late 30s.”

I giggled.  “Well.  I’m glad you’re getting tested then again…for my health.”  I shoulder bumped him.

He smiled.  “Yeah.  It’s a good idea.”

“Slut,” I said quietly under my breath.

He laughed.  “Yep.  And the next one asks about if you always used condoms, so I was honest and said ‘sometimes,’ because I was occasionally stupid.”

“Yeah, you can put that for me, too.”

“Ok, the next is relationship history and the six month ones are all answerable unless you’d like to tell them that I frighten you or steal your birth control.”

“No, I think I’m ok.”

“Then there’s an ‘ever’ question: ‘Has anyone forced you into a sexual act ever in your lifetime?’”

I don’t think he was going to be surprised by this answer, but I suppose it was confirmation he either wanted but didn’t really want to hear, or knew, but didn’t know if he wanted to know it.  “Yeah, I have been,” I said.

He checked the little box.  And what a truly huge thing to have such a small box for.  He put the clipboard on his lap and scooted my chair closer to his, and then pulled me into a one armed hug and kissed my temple.  I mean, there wasn’t anything he could say.  And it wasn’t something I was going to spill right now, which he knew.  I turned when he let go and pressed my own kiss into his neck, leaning my head on his shoulder and leaving it there.  

He was quiet for another second and then picked up with the gynecological section all about my periods, which he handled really maturely.  Maybe it was because he had a sister.  

“Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?  And then they list a bunch.”  And I liked that he barreled right in without me answering first.  “I had Chlamydia.  Twice.”

I was trying not to laugh, and he was doing this for me—he wanted me to feel better.  He smiled when he saw my grin.  “Pretty sure it was the same chick.  I shoulda never slept with her that second time.”

“Yeah, probably not the best idea.”  I looked down at the sheet.  “I had it once, too.  And Gonorrhea.”

“I think the next question is completely pointless because it asks if you’ve had a partner with an STD.  I mean, isn’t that kind of implicit if we just answered yes to the other question?  I didn’t get it from the air.”  I’m pretty sure the answer he wrote down there was rather sarcastic.  And included the word ‘obviously.’  “Have you been on birth control before?”

“I was on the pill in Vegas.  Nothing else, other than condoms.”

“Any miscarriages, pregnancies, or—”

“No.”

“K.  I can get the last two.”  He blew out a breath.  “I think we’re done.”

“Good.”

“I’ll turn in the paperwork.”

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?” he turned to look at me.  

“Thank you.”

He smiled and ducked his head, but didn’t say anything else.  

Now the fun began.  We were separated for the STD testing, where I had to pee, was pricked, and swabbed and got to “expand” on certain questions.  It wasn’t as horrible as it could have been—she was nice enough, and once I explained I’d been a hooker, there really wasn’t all that much to explain.  Funny that was about the only time I didn’t have to fill in a lot of the blanks.  She did ask me about domestic abuse and if I was sure Tyler wasn’t hurting me, as we both still looked like we’d been run over twice.  Shit was fading, but it was still there, and I was surprised that I was actually honest with the lady—I didn’t use Tyler’s bullshit mugging story, I just flat out told her that I’d been attacked by my landlord and Tyler beat him up.  This medical confidential shit was kinda sweet.  

Tyler was already back in the waiting room when they sent me out to wait for the exam part.  

“Hey, you ok?”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding.  “It was ok.  She was really nice.  She hugged me at the end.  Which…I don’t really like being hugged by people I don’t even know, but it was nice she cared.  I’m supposed to tell the doctor to give me boosters of vaccines or some shit because don’t know if I’ve had them before.  Remind me, because I’ll probably forget.”

“Ok.”

We weren’t waiting very long when they called my name again.  And I’m not really sure what happened, but for some reason I just didn’t want to go.  So I didn’t get up right away and I knew Tyler was watching me, and wondering what the fuck was going on, but I just couldn’t move.  I was fine sitting right there in the chair, thanks.  And I remember sort of turning to him, and looking at him in this completely emotionless way.  It was just an exam.  It was nothing that I was afraid of, or that I hadn’t had before.  He blinked at me exactly three times; I counted; nothing really on his face, either.  And he stood up and put his hand out, and I grabbed it and then it was ok.  And the nurse was sort of looking at us like we were crazy, but that was ok, too.  She led us over for weight and height, and then took us to a room where she took temperature and blood pressure, and she handed me one of those paper gown things that are basically made of tissue paper.  And then she hilariously asked if I wanted him to step outside while I got changed.  

I laughed.  “No, he’s seen it all.”  

I suppose we did sort of look like poster children for some sort of abusive relationship.  They didn’t know us at all, and it wasn’t the same nurse who’d gotten my whole life’s history.  We both had bruises and he sort of was oozing protectiveness right now.  But she nodded, and left, and I started peeling off clothing.  

He sighed.  “Yep, they all think I’m an asshole.”

I chuckled.  “Well at least they don’t all know you’re a slut.”

He snorted.  “That’s true.  I do have that going for me.”  He grabbed my clothes from me and tossed them on the chair, tying the gown for me.  “I can leave for this part if you want.  I just thought—you seemed like you needed…” He ran his hand through his hair.  “Support or something.”

“I want you to stay.  If you’re allowed to stay.”  I didn’t know what the rules were.  It wasn’t like when Jordan had taken me before.  Maybe that wasn’t allowed.  

He nodded.  “Then I’m staying.  I don’t give a fuck if it’s allowed or not.”

I smiled and moved closer to him; he just opened his arms, and I stepped in, and that’s pretty much how we were when the doctor came in.  “Hi, Allison.  I’m Dr. Grace.”

I stopped leaning my head on Tyler, but he kept holding me.  “Hi.”  I motioned to Tyler with my head.  “This is my boyfriend, Tyler.”

“Hello, Tyler.”

“Hi.”

“Is Tyler staying in the room for the exam?”

“I want him to.  If that’s allowed.”

He shot me this look like I ain’t leavin’ anyway.  

“As long as you’re comfortable with it, he can stay.”

I sighed, relieved that he could stay in the room.  

“Why don’t you lie on the table and we’ll start with the breast exam, ok?”

So Tyler moved back and sat down in the chair, and I laid back and this wasn’t so bad.  I remembered this part from before.  It was better with a chick; I always felt like I was getting half felt up when it was a guy doctor.  

“Do you have any concerns before we start?  Anything that’s been a problem?”

“No,” I answered quickly.  Just fucking get it over with already.

“Ok, I need you to scoot towards the end of the table, and put your feet in the stirrups.”  

I wondered if it was odd that I didn’t have any embarrassment about Tyler being in the room with me.  I mean, that was a good thing, right?  Or was that really strange?  Would a different, less fucked up couple be really weirded out by this?  

“Ok, Allison, now I’m going to start the external exam.  You’ll feel my fingers.”

Way to be all up front, but I kinda figured that part out already.  She was a woman, and it wasn’t like I hadn’t had a fuckton of completely random people touch me before, or put their fingers in me.  But maybe because I was with Tyler now, and I was used to his fingers, her fingers on me just felt wrong.  I tensed.  And he knew it.  And of course so did she.  And she hadn’t even put them in me yet.  Jesus, how would that go?  She was just going to do the external exam.  Fuck.  Maybe it would have been better if she wasn’t so up front.  

“Are you doing ok, Allison?”

“Yeah.”  I closed my eyes, the fucking picture of some lame-ass beach somewhere on the ceiling was not distracting, or comforting, or anything.  And I didn’t really want to turn my head to look at Tyler, because it was stupid—I shouldn’t need to look at him to do this.  

“Just relax,” she said, quietly, as though that would solve all of those problems and I’d just relax instantly.  “Nothing to worry about.”

She finished with the external, and I could tell the internal was coming soon, and I could hear the tube of lube.  “Spread a little more for me,” she said, her hands gentle on my legs.  “Good.  Thanks.”  My hands were linked together over my stomach, and I knew if I was looking at them, they’d be all white from the tension.  Waiting for her fingers was way worse I decided.  

“Your pictures suck in here,” Tyler suddenly announced.  And his voice was literally right next to me.  I wasn’t expecting it, and it’d been so quiet, that I opened my eyes and he was just right there.  Chair pulled over right next to the table.  He was looking up at the ceiling.  He hadn’t shaved all week, and I never remembered to tell him how much I liked him with the scruff so long it was bordering on near-beard.  I focused on the few tiny hairs that were just a bit longer than the rest of them right at the end of his chin.  And thought about how strange it was for the beard not to feel scratchy to me anymore with that much shit on his face.  And I found myself smiling.  

“I’m sorry you don’t approve.  What would you suggest instead?” The doctor asked.  

“I dunno,” he said, shrugging.  “Something more interesting than that generic shit on the ceiling.  There’s nothing to analyze in that.”

“I don’t think most women are here to analyze what’s on the ceiling, Tyler,” she said.  I jerked my eyes down to her and she smiled at me over the towel.  “The gel will feel a little cool.”

It was ok now though.  I didn’t really notice what she was doing because he was looking at me instead now.  “What are you supposed to do, count the clouds in the picture?”

He rested his elbows on the table.  “I suppose porn would be inappropriate.”

I blew out a short laugh, but I saw the eyebrow raise from the doctor.  She was smirking though.  

“Or that might be more for the male crowd.  Although, I’m sure there could be naked guys on the ceiling for the ladies.”  He considered that for a second, looking up at the ceiling like he was imagining.  “Nah, let’s forget that idea.  I’ve reconsidered.”

He smiled down at me.  “Maybe a TV.”

“That’s a good idea,” I agreed.  

“Ok, Allison, almost done.”  I wasn’t really paying attention to her at all anymore.  “This may be a little uncomfortable.”

He grabbed the hand closest to him, kissing my knuckles.  “I think we should order in for dinner.”

I giggled, because that was completely ridiculous to be talking about now, in here.  But then pretty much everything he said had been, and that was the point.  

Her finger was definitely not in a place I wanted it.  And that was impossible to ignore.  I clamped on his hand with the intrusion.  

“It’ll be over in just a second,” the doctor rambled on.  

“I was thinking Italian.”  He moved my hand so I could cup the back of his neck and I basically just latched on there—no cupping, slowly gripping his shirt until it was fisted in my hand.  And he just kept moving closer, so by the time she was done, his face was nearly touching mine, and he listed just about everything you could order at any Italian place.  He pressed a kiss to my cheek, his hand stroking over the top of my head.  

Then finally her goddamn finger was gone and she was taking gloves off, putting the stirrups down and letting me get back on the bed so my ass wasn’t hanging off the table.  “All done.  Everything looks good.  I’ll give you a few minutes to change and clean up, and then we can talk about any concerns you might have and birth control.”

She turned and left and Tyler looked back at me.  “I could have told her that.”

I laughed but it almost came out more like a sob, and I rolled into him and he just held onto me, covering me with himself.  “You did great.”

God, I was an adult who just needed him to hold my hand during a pelvic exam.  I’m not sure how great that was.  “Ugh.”  I wasn’t crying, but I really didn’t feel completely stable either.  I was so fucking weird.  

He moved back, but kept a hold of one of my hands while he grabbed my clothes.  And then he kept handing me shit until I was dressed.  

“You ok?”

“Yeah.  I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“I’m fine,” I repeated.  

He nodded shortly, but I don’t think he believed me.  But I was really grateful when he changed the subject again because I really didn’t know what the fuck I had such a problem with to start with.  “So you want Italian for dinner, or something else?”

I smiled gently, eyebrows lifting.  “Um, can we get a burger?”

He smiled back at me.  “Paul’s is on the way back.”

“Did you really want Italian?”

He shook his head.  “No, I was just suggesting.  We can get whatever you want.  You pick.”

“I want a burger.”  Comfort food.  Or something.

“They have root beer floats.”

I beamed at him.  “Ohhhh, I want one.”

He smiled.  “Pretty sure they have Cajun fries, too.”

The doctor came back in the second I basically squealed, “Really?!” at him, and he was excitedly nodding back to me.  

She chuckled.  “I always like to see people that happy about birth control.”

“Nope, it was the prospect of root beer floats and Cajun fries that did it, I’m afraid.  I guess birth control is third,” Tyler said back to her.  

“Well, I’ll take in the top three.  Better than nothing.”  She smiled at us for a second and I sat down again on the table while Tyler retook his spot standing right next to me.  

She held something out to both of us, and I was surprised it was just a little card.  “We’ll send all your samples in, and these will allow you to call in for the results in a few days.”  

Then she launched into the safe sex speech, which was sort of the whole point to our being here, and I felt basically completely pointless because if we hadn’t given a shit, we wouldn’t have bothered coming here at all.  I guess she had to say the same thing to everyone, but whatever.  Just give us our shit so we could go have Paul’s burgers with root beer floats, please.  

“Given both of your past histories, even in monogamous relationships, we usually suggest STD tests yearly, and pelvic exams yearly as well.”

I nodded.  

“There are many different types of birth control.  For your age, and life style, I’d suggest the pill, or patch, but there are other options like the shot, or the ring.”

I shook my head right away.  “No, I’m not doing the whole shove something inside me shit.”  I paused and then jerked a thumb at Tyler.  “He’s the only something inside.”

The doctor cracked a smile.  “Ok.  I have a number of patients that like the convenience of the shot, but I’d caution against that as it’s still fairly new, and there have been studies that bone thinning that occurs may not be reversible once you stop getting the shot.”

“K, that’s out,” Tyler provided.  

“Then I’d suggest the combination pill or the patch.  They’re basically the same mechanism.  I wouldn’t suggest the minipill.  Some people prefer the pill that they take every day.  Some people like that they just have to change the patch once a week.  It’s more a case of personal preference, or if you know you’re a good or bad pill taker.”

I snorted.  I mean, I couldn’t help myself.  It wasn’t funny at all, but I never had a problem taking pills, and it just struck me as funny in a really stupid way.  “Sorry,” I said.  “I can take a pill every day, that’s fine.  I did before.”

“They work most effectively when you take them at the same time every day.  So just get back into a routine where you do that.”

“Ok.”

I suddenly had a really depressing realization.  “Fuck.  They don’t work right away, right?”  Not like I would have remembered that necessarily when I was fucked up and high, and Damon was all—you need to take this shit so you don’t get pregnant, but it seemed much more annoying now.    

The doctor shook her head.  “Nothing is immediately effective unless you start within five days after the start of your period.  As you don’t have your period right now, you’ll still need to use a back-up method of birth control.  You can start the pills today; you’ll be protected from pregnancy after seven days.”

“Ugh.  That blows.”

Tyler snickered, and the doctor smiled gently at me.  “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”

I waved her off.  

“Do you have any questions?”

“No,” I said sighing.  

Tyler shook his head.  “Think we’re good.”

“Ok, then, I’ll get you prescription for the pills ready and you can be on your way.”

“Thanks,” we both said.  

I was kind of shocked when the prescription included a year’s worth of pills.  And basically our combined weight in condoms.  He could have saved so much money in condoms if we just would have come here first.  We were ushered through the checkout, and this survey thing, and then we were done.  It really hadn’t taken that long, although it seemed like it was when we’d been in there.  

Tyler grabbed my hand while we started walking, and he kept sidelining these looks at me, and I think it was because I was being quiet.  Mostly because I was annoyed that things weren’t immediate.  And because it was something I wanted.  I never wanted anything.  Why couldn’t this one thing be immediate?  And what would the real risk be if we just did it anyway?  Probably close to nothing.  

He squeezed my hand and I looked over at him.  “What are you thinking about so hard over there?”

I slowed our walk, pulling on his hand until he stopped.  “What if we did it anyway?”

“What?”

“If we did it anyway when we got home.”

He cracked a smile at me.  “If this is a test, I’m going to pass with flying colors.”

“No, really.  Seriously.  The chances are, like, barely anything.”

His brow furrowed.  “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not… Were you just in the room with me?”

“Yeah.  I want it anyway.”

“I want it, too, but that’s not a good idea.  I told you I wasn’t going to be stupid with you anymore.”

“Maybe I want to be stupid.”  I sounded like a kid.  A really bratty kid.  The kind I really hated.  And I didn’t care.  I sort of wanted to pitch a fit here on the sidewalk.  Throw the pills down and watch as the bag of condoms exploded all over the street.  It was careless, and stupid, and irresponsible.  But I wanted it.  

He sighed.  “It’s not good to test Tyler’s limits.”  He pulled on my hand.  “And I don’t think you want to be stupid, either.”

I whined, letting him drag me behind him for a minute.  “I doooooo.  I want to be stupid.”

He laughed.  “You really don’t.  It’s only a week.  We’ve waited longer than a week for shit before.”

“Not lately,” I whined some more.

“Just think of all the build-up we can have in a week.  The anticipation will be great.”

“Ugh.  Or torture.”

“Sweet, sweet torture.”

“You are such a fucking dork.”

“We probably have to go back to work anyway, that’ll make the time go faster.”

“Well add fucking buzzkill to the dork.”

“I was trying to be helpful.  I’m sorry.  We do have all weekend.”

“Yeah.”

“C’mon.  Cheer up.  There’s a burger, Cajun fries, a root beer float, and whatever sexual act you want, with that one exception, in your future.”

“You realize when these seven days are up, like… All bets are off, right?  You’ll be lucky if you survive.”

“Who said I wasn’t going to be the same way?”

“Oh?”

“Just because I have more self-control than you right now, doesn’t mean I will in a week.  You’ll be lucky if you can walk the next day.”

I burst out laughing, and he let go of my hand, curling me into him instead, his arm around my waist.  “Ok. That I can wait for.”

One (Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty | Twenty-One | Twenty-Two | Twenty-Three | Twenty-Four | Twenty-Five | Twenty-Six | Twenty-Seven | Twenty-Eight | Twenty-Nine |  Thirty  |  Thirty-One  |  Thirty-Two  |  Thirty-Three  |  Thirty-Four  |  Thirty-Five  |  Thirty-Six  |  Thirty-Seven  |